Humor...yup - still got it. If I don't laugh, I'll probably crack like an egg!
Today, I'm taking the kids to a BBQ at his mom's. I'm hoping she doesn't try to talk to me about anything, because I think I'll lose it. Don't know if she's invited his father or not (they're divorced) - but, if him & stepmothers is there, I'm hoping the same thing. I don't want to disclose anything to his family - but I feel really fragile right now. There isn't anyone that I can talk to about this - everyone will probably get mad (at him) and I don't want that to happen.
Tonight, I'm going to try & figure out a way to take the kids to the fireworks - alone. No easy chore with the 2 littlest ones. But, I guess it's time I stepped up to the plate and really started doing these things by myself.
Anyway, I realized last night that this complete and total change of SO's demeanor came the day he was told they weren't releasing him anytime soon. I'm not justifying his vile behavior, but I guess I'm the only person he can take it out on, whatever way he can. Knowing that, it still does not make it any easier to deal with.
And, who knows. Maybe I do add to his stress. Unwittingly. Maybe I think I'm doing things right, when he views it as annoying. I don't know anymore. I almost don't give a damn. But, you guys have seen the stuff I write - I've been as honest as can be - I don't think there's much that I've done to annoy him, is there? He says "I asked him to move out" and that added to the stress of $$. My defense - he was blatantly with OW in front of my face. Plus, in the end, it was ultimately his choice to go. Throughout all this, I thought I was letting him go. Evidently he doesn't see it that way. Somewhere in what I was doing, it was still annoying to him. Still interfering with his fantasy life.
Who knows. Maybe I am the one living a fantasy and it's time to let it go. I did ask him yesterday if " will getting my own place resolve everything?". His answer: "I'm not a fortune teller." So that's what I'm dealing with. He wants me to go, but then says in the next breath he's still ''not sure if it's the right thing to do" and still "not sure what he wants."
I need to figure out what *I* want do. That's all I can do.
