Well H and I decided that he going to the wedding was just to awkward right now. I was fine with that, it would have been a lot of pressure on me too and with me being in the wedding he would have been on his own. Plus he was afraid that somehting would happen with everyone drinking and 'cause some sort of backslide for us. Excuses yes, but I had worried about the same thing. So honestly I'm not bothered by him not going at all.

I think I handled the sesion very well. I brought up some things that were very direct and I actually think he appreciated it. We discussed how each of us felt, if we felt single right now or as a married person. I said I still felt I was married to my H, his wife. I beleived in our marriage and it was very important to me. I explained why I had ended things with OG and said that was not a judgement on him but I felt I needed to take actions to make decisions that I would never regret and I could be proud of. If we weren't seperated I would never have considered seeing someone else and if I still believed in our marriage then I had to be true to that. I also said that his decisions would bring sacrifices and that perhaps he would only lose one thing out of this, which would be me. I think that took him back a bit.

H still doesn't know what he wants. Sounds like he's trying to figure out now if it's not so much that he wants OW over me, but if he wants the single life over being married. I was very calm to that thought and said then we need to address that. If you can never see me as your wife again or believe that I can make you happy then we have to deal with that. He didn't have an answer.

Other things h mentioned was that he thinks of me all the time and wanted me to know that when he left the session he thought about this ordeal all the time until the next session. Said it was important I knew that he just didn't stop working on everything when he walked out the door. I thanked him for telling me.

C asked us each if we could handle less contact (going dark) I said yes, it would be hard but I could initiate it, and perhaps it was time for that. Interestingly, h didn't want to initiate, but said he had worried that that might be somthing I do and that if that was the case he would need to deal with it. So now I don't know if the going dark thing will have an effect since we discussed it. Maybe he'll just deal and it won't matter to him.

I was pretty direct today, but he seemed really happy that I'd been honest and brought up hard things. C and I agreed on a couple of things and he said that made him happy because it showed how much growth and strength I must have now.

So nothing really changed, just more for him to think about and write in his journal. Give me feedback on the going dark, do you think he'd just feel like I was doing it because we discussed and would feel he shouldn't react and just let me do my own thing?

Thanks all.

[This message has been edited by Saturnh (edited 08-16-2001).]