I wonder sometimes if I'm putting too much emphasis in the wrong place. Is it better to have SO move back here or not? My head says financially, it's the smarter thing to do. My heart says, Uh-uh, no way. Hurt, hurt, hurt.
But, then my mind starts whirling again and I wonder - what does his moving back mean? From OW standpoint, I mean. Would OW stand for him moving back here after being with him at his own place? Not if she's a smart girl...lol. So, does that mean it's over? And, if it is over - wouldn't it be better to have him here? Maybe I'm hoping for a fairy tale ending or something. Perhaps these grand illusions are what my problem is. I just don't know how to handle this and wonder if I'm focusing on the wrong thing.
I'm not really thinking deep here, just spitting out my first thought when I read your question.
It seems like if the tables were reversed, and he was moving in with OW, you would have no choice to see it as significant, right. So, when he's moving in with you, no matter what the reason, she would have to see that as SOMETHING, and it IS something in the grand scheme of things.
I do agree with OT though, and you should not do anything that compromises your boundaries for the sake of experiment. IF he moves back in, it should be because YOU want it and you can deal with the situation as it will be. Maybe, as I think you have suggested in the past, you and he can try to more accurately define what the situation WILL be and conditions in which you will terminate the situation. I think OT mentioned that she thinks he may not be ready or willing to commit to a totally closed relationship yet so if he can't do that, then you have a decision to make. I think you know I don't really agree that having him out of the house, whatever the sitch is, is absolutely the best thing. I think, like many others, you CAN have him in the house with something less than a full commitment but you have to be able to accept, and more than that, want that.
Maybe I am WAY off base with this but it does seem like your decision is not made and there ARE things to consider. In the end, I think you have been remarkably strong and centered through all this and getting more-so by the day. You WILL make the right choice and of that I have no doubt.
Spit away! LOL Hearing different perspectives is what I'm all about. Becasue I didn't even think of it YOUR way, and I find it interesting.
Who knows. The issue may become instantly null & void. He just emailed me that he got in trouble for doing something on the air...and he was going to resign. I told him about the "24 hour rule", ....haven't heard back from him yet. If he quits, that'll probably really change things and all this discussion will be for naught.
Getting fired could be the thing that makes him rethink his life. I really hope he does lose his job. I know that would be bad financially, but it might well cause him to change direction in his life.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
RB, I can say the same thought has run through my mind as well. Problem is, there's not too many choices for another job in the area we're in - 2, to be exact; losing his job would perhaps require a move to another city/state.
But anyway, he didn't quit. Not yet. Something I found interesting was that he trusted in me to have me send an email to a rival company indicating he was interested. You may wonder why from me, or my account, but it has to be that way to avoid problems with current company. And, his phrasing of it was this: "If anyone finds out, I can say I came home and NM was upset that I was so upset and she took it upon herself to look for jobs for me." And I have no problem with this. It's the way it works in this business and I've been through it enough over the last 10 years to know the legalities.
When he came home yesterday, we spent some time NOT talking. Later on, after dinner, he (again - as he said this yesterday, too) that he wanted to stay later, but he had to meet a wedding client. He had the email printed out with the directions on it, so I knew he wasn't fibbing. We were sitting out on the back porch and I found it interesting, too - that we could sit there and talk - about his work, stuff with house/yard - and it was so natural and easy. Especially weird is the stuff about the house...I mean here we are, sitting there talking like nothing is wrong, planning this, that - like our whole lives aren't in turmoil of sorts. Strange.
Anyway, there's some more, but I have to get my butt moving. Grocery store, boring mommy stuff. LOL Back later.
Not sure what to say. Not much with SO. He did initiate a semi-talk yesterday. We did get interrupted before finishing, as usual, so I'm left with more questions than answers, again - as usual. He started by asking"Are you going to go back to work?" I looked at him and said, "Well, I would like to. D3 could really benefit from being in pre-school. And anything to help you out."
After that - I mostly don't remember what was said. Kids kept interrupting and it was fragmented - something about him moving back; he brought up me saying I didn't like it here (I told him it was mostly because since we lived here things have been bad between us); him asking me what would make me happy. All in all, unfinished discussion. No answers. More questions.
I'll probably leave it lie. Let him bring it up again. I did tell him (after he left that night) that at some point we should discuss it more. But I think I'll just leave it up to him to initiate. I'd really like to hear what he has to say.
Still here - alive & kicking! I really needed to take a breather from here for a bit. And, sad to say, nothing really new in my sitch. A few talks initiated by SO. Nothing resolved yet, but perhaps getting closing to....someTHING .
Where was I. Had to take a little break. I was beginning to feel really down & out, full of lots of negativity and didn't feel like posting. I did take off out of town a couple of times, went to my sisters the last two weekends. I was feeling like it was coming down to an ultimatum and I didn't want to want to do or say anything I'd regret or be viewed as wishy-washy.
I did end up telling SO what I wanted. Well, actually what I didn't want, if that makes sense. Told him that I wasn't expecting him to move back here and us "get back together"; told him I wasn't expecting a marriage proposal. Rather, that I wanted the opportunity for us to spend time together alone (as SO & NM) - I wasn't comfortable with the thought of being out in public with him as his alter ego; that I wanted to spend some time together doing things alone as well as some things as a family and to "see where it goes". After that, while there weren't any real talks, he seems to have softened somewhat. Sharing his work schedule; telling me he's ended working Saturday nights and that would free up some of his time when he doesn't have weddings; also invited me, (yes - actually said "I'd like you to NM") camp out with him & D7 & D3 (in our travel trailer in the back yard, lmao); and included me in plans for the long 4th of July weekend asking me to find something for us to do; invited me to his brothers for a day or two.
Don't know if the invite had anything to do with what I said to him or not, but it's the most he's given me (that is, sharing of future plans) than he has in a long time. Oh, Sunday he actually asked if I wanted to go out and eat with him (which I declined) - that was different from him, too.
Overall, I think it's my own impatience that was driving me. I forget that. I feel like I've been doing this for so long, and now that real patience is required, I have to chill out, just for a bit longer. It's still in the back of my mind to give up and move back to where my family is - but, hey - that option will ALWAYS be there, I suppose. I need to wait a little longer. Easier said than done at times.
The big thing that was revealed by him, and actually, came as no surprise to me because I "knew" this already - his need to be emotionally coddled. He said that I didn't do a very good job of this with him. And, which is exactly what he got from OW. So, this is my current struggle. I admit, I'm daunted (and haunted) by this. Sigh.
Now, for the twist (doesn't it seem like there's always some twist in my sitch!). He's back in the hospital again. Went there during the night. Actually, when he was here yesterday, we talked about it so I wasn't completely surprised when I got the call. I missed his calls from during the night, the phone in the bedroom was unplugged, but heard it early this morning and spoke with him. Sigh. He went to a different hospital this time (one where OW's mother works ), as he wasn't happy with the doctors at the other hospital (plus the fact they released him without doing the tests they had said they were going to do). I hope this hospital does things right.
I know this post doesn't exactly articulate the thoughts in my head, but it's the best I can do right now.
...and, OT - was wondering if you went off and had your baby without telling us! LOL....hadn't seen you posting in a while. Good luck to you & your H when the time comes! Please keep us posted if you can...start a baby thread or something!
....haven't heard back from him yet. If he quits, that'll probably really change things and all this discussion will be for naught. 
), as he wasn't happy with the doctors at the other hospital (plus the fact they released him without doing the tests they had said they were going to do). I hope this hospital does things right. 