What a screwy weekend. Ended up with a roundabout talk with SO about him moving back here. Over the phone. Not good. I'm still so torn on this issue. I know some think it's better to have him here to DB. I just keep remembering the pain I was going through....how I couldn't stop from being more attached than detached. Since he's moved out, I've found some kind of peace of mind. I don't know that I could go back to that other way. Don't know what's going to happen anyway. The convo included me telling SO exactly that. That I could not fall back to that place where I was watching him do the same things. He said he would probably feel the same way if it was him. So what does this sound like to me? Well, it sounds like he's not ready to do any working on us. That has me very sad today. Add to it that he was working here in our town last night and didn't show up here afterwards, instead texted me 3:30 am to say he was still working and he'd talk to me after he woke up. Yeah, I'll admit it. I wanted him to come here. I think that to me it means he doesn't care what OW thinks about where he is. The fact is - he didn't come here (even though he had his stuff with him). I could come up with a million reasons why he didn't, none of them probably the right one. And it's pointless to wonder anyway and I know that. Just doesn't stop the wheels in my mind from endlessly spinning.
So where am I today? Hurt, frustrated, disappointed. Perhaps for no reason at all. Or, maybe rightly so. I think yesterdays convo ended with him saying he wouldn't move back - he'd find some other way. Whatever the hell that means. It still comes down to the same thing - his apparent lack of interest in us. And I don't know what to do.
