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There are significant differences between NM and GH...


I agree!!!

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-- NM is much more willing to explore, define, and uphold some boundaries, even if she does change her boundaries, she generally owns those changes as a result of her choices


This kind of confuses me.

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-- NM is not living with SO, SO has not committed to any kind of R with her


Exactly where GH & I differ.

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I also seriously doubt that NM really means that this needs to be on SO's timetable. What she likely means is that her timetable right now includes more time to see what happens with SO.


Well, a little of both, I think. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks. Like I said in my response to GH, I'm just waiting and seeing. And perfectly OK with it for now. Even if it doesn't seem like it. I DO want to know what moving back in means to him. I'm just not entirely ready to bring it up. I also think that HE will bring it up. As long as I don't - he WILL. I also think that he will bring up other stuff as well. I guess maybe that's what I mean when I say HIS timetable.

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She also understands the whole annoying coworker analogy and so is not pursuing SO...



Yeah, I get this...and I also *see* the little dog begging for scraps and detest that picture...keeping them in the back of my mind when I feel like saying or doing something I shouldn't.

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NM -- **GREAT JOB** communicating about your weirdness :-) I bet it did catch him off guard. It is great when you can report on yourself without trying to predict and/or manage his response to your report. That, actually, allows for increased intimacy because it allows you to be much more authentic in any R between you and SO.



Thank you. I wish it wouldn't have happened that way. I *KNEW* I was being rude. I knew it. Yet, it didn't help me to stop it. And I couldn't get into a convo with him right then - I was busy with the kids. I couldn't just up & walk away from D3 in the bathtub. So I had to make a choice, let my kid drown or follow SO to talk. Well, I chose to stay with my kid. It just seems like this has been prevalent in our R - me having to make a choice between the kids and him. Like he's jealous of the kids or something. I don't know. He did it last night when he called, too. D7 told him we were getting ready for bed, then he asked to speak with me. I talked to him for a few minutes and asked if I could call him back as the kids were waiting and he said OK.....but then kept talking for another 10 minutes! I don't know how to balance these things sometimes.