Allright...SO was released from the hospital last night. Without anymore tests run, doctors told him he needs to go to GI Specialist. Like he didn't know that already. No comment from me, I'm not his mother. Anyway, he went to his apartment last night. Haven't heard from him yet today. When I spoke with him last night, he said that he was coming here for the week...he's not going back to work until next week and needs to "relax".

This had me thinking hard about things. I think I've come to the decision that we're going to have to have "A TALK". Yikes. I've pretty much determined that I cannot go through all this again. No way. If he's only moving back here for money issues, well, I have to go. My sisters in-laws have a 2 bedroom apartment that I'm sure I could stay at temporarily. Of course, that's 2 hours from here. I just don't feel that I'm strong enough to go through anymore of this heartache. It was the whole reason why I asked him to move out to begin with. Having him move back in that capacity would just not work for me. Maybe this is just more of me running away, but I don't know. I don't expect much, I just want to either agree to work on things or finally end it once and for all. Am I wrong?

I'm scared of this talk. Not of *what* we'll be discussing, but more how we both handle it. Our communication is very, very lacking, as you all know. It's funny how thinking back over some of the things we've talked about - yesterday he apologized for yelling at me in the hospital and we talked about how it blew out of proportion - and I see myself struggling to change our interactions. I'm changing, yet he's not. Or, I'm changing and he's still expecting the same old NM. And him being the same old SO sometimes causes me to fall back into that trap. I hate that.

I'm actually thinking about writing cliff notes...to help me get thru this. Probably not a bad idea considering how bad I am at talking and not being able to stop straying from the original subject. At least I recognize my problem - now to fix it!