Damn...right now I'm just so frustrated...I feel so powerless. SO's condition doesn't seem to have changed....the antibiotics certainly seem to be taking their time lowering his white blood count. They can't do the colonoscopy / endoscope until it's lower. He says he's still got the same pain from 3 days ago...

Additionally, I can't find anyone to sit with the girls for me to even be able to run over to see him. I hate that. I keep thinking how OW is 15 minutes from the hospital, able to go whenever and I'm here, over an hour away, with the 3 kids....that bothers me to no end.

On top of it, I'm running very low on cash. Yes, we live paycheck to paycheck, with him usually giving me the cash he gets from the bar remotes and his bi-monthly paychecks get deposited in the bank for bills. I don't know what to do.

I'm very frustrated and feel very inadequate for some reason. The kids are making me nuts, they're tired of being in the house because it's been raining for 4 days; they keep asking for their Daddy...I did tell them, but only D7 comprehends that he's in the hospital...the 2 little one's don't understand... they simply don't see Daddy and want him. I'm finding myself very short-tempered with them.

Mini-vent. Sorry. Doesn't even sum up all that's in my head right now. Sorry if it sounds like I'm whining. I feel kind of stupid complaining when there's worse things going on out there.