Well, went to see SO. Thanks Ellie, for giving me the kick to just do it! Otherwise I probably would not have gone as I had mentioned something to him and he said not to come. And you too, OT, becasue I think I paraphrased some of your words during the visit as well.
As it turned out, when I got there, I was extremely nervous..he had called and I told him his mom was on the way here so I could come visit, he said not to and that he'd call me back shortly. I never got a call before I left, so I just left..figured if he called, his mom would tell him and/or he'd call my cell. I didn't hear anything by the time I got to the hospital so I was frantic about just waltzing in unannounced...for various reasons.
I went to the help desk because I didn't even have his room number..then asked if we could call up first (my idea to give him some kind of warning)....When he answered I told him I was downstairs...he got really mad, said I told you I didn't want to see anyone, I'm not ready to see anyone...a little more - then "You can't come up." I was trying to fight back my tears and just said "OK then" and hung up...made some excuse about having to go back to my car to the help desk people...and high-tailed my rear to the car before the dam burst.
Once I got to the car, "Knowing" him how I do, I figured, OK, I'll have a smoke, think of a quick note I could write him and put it in the bag with the car magazines I brought for him, then bring the bag in for the volunteers to bring up to him and leave if he hasn't called me by then. So I smoked, worked on the wording for a note and he called. (Smirk). He asked Why did you come here? I said because I needed to....I said I'm sorry, it seemed like the right thing for me to do. He said "If I knew you were coming I needed some things"...I said what do you need? Do you want me to go you some things? He said No. OK, you can come up for a while...I wish you wouldn't have driven all this way. I said OK.
I got up there and he kept asking Why I came...I told him I was worried....that I felt it was the right thing to do...I needed to make sure he was OK. He said he hadn't wanted anyone to see him like this (which was him in a hospital gown, hooked to an IV), I told him I know he didn't feel comfortable with anyone seeing him like this...then I tried to lighten things up by saying HE saw ME with another mans hands between my legs (i.e. childbirth! all you gutter minds!)...it lightened things up...He kept drifting in & out of sleep, saying that was why he didn't want me here, he couldn't get comfortable sleeping knowing someone was here watching him, but that I could stay if I wanted. I said OK...he told me to look and see if I could find his chart so I could read it...not there, darned nurses must take it back to the station!
A doctor came in while I was there, actually a surgeon, asking him questions. Basically, it seems it's diverticulitis and the surgeon didn't believe surgery was necessary yet, they were treating it with antibiotics for now. It does appear he'll be there for 1-2 days.
In the end, I'm glad I went. Even with the little snafu at the beginning. 180's going on there, too. In the past, I probably would have gotten into a big fight with him about not being allowed up...but, I think I handled it real well. I told him I was very worried about him....it almost seems as if he doesn't believe anyone should or could be worried about him - especially me, that's the impression I got. Then, when I stayed "soft", he softened up too, even going so far as to tell me to stay while he slept. I stayed for a short bit more, then he starting bugging the nurses for another pain shot, so I figured I'd better go...kissed him on the forehead and thanked him for letting me see him...funny, it never came up about the 10 minute interval between him telling me not to come to his room, then calling me, and me obviously sitting in the parking lot waiting for his call.
And he just called here, said he woke up to go the bathroom and wanted to call, thanked me for coming to see him. I told him I was sorry for how I did it, but appreciated him letting me come up because now I was reassured that he was actually "OK" - for as OK as he can be. I said that he sounds so horrible on the phone and I was so worried. He thanked me again...I told him to call whenever he needed. Said he was going back to sleep.
So that's it for today. And now that I stopped for Dunkin Donuts on the way home, I'll probably be on a damned caffeine high all night, but very glad I made the decision to go see him.
