Ummm, I never advised her not to let him come home.
I advised her to get some things straight and set boundaries for herself. He should not simply wake up one morning and decide to move home and bring his stuff by in the afternoon.
Some kind of communication and working through of issues needs to happen, some boundaries need to be set and communicated.
Having all one's ducks in a row is a bit over the top. But an understanding, at minimum, that this isn't merely for financial reasons and that there is a commitment to working on a committed R does seem appropriate.
They aren't even married! Why would NM want to live and sleep with someone who has hurt her so much because it is financially convenient for him? In what way does that respect her as a human being, or him, for that matter?
It comes down to respecting oneself and one's feelings. No one needs to accept anything that makes them feel used.
At the same time, I agree with you and RB. I think that NM's own feelings of hurt and anger that go unexpressed are interferring with what could be real progress here. She is punishing him by not giving him a chance rather than communicating and really trying to work to see if there is a possibility for an R she might want to try here.
BTW, your comment here made me want to ask you another question, I'll go back to your thread...
