What do you say to someone who says "I'm sick, and the only reason I'm doing this is because YOU don't work"....or, at least that's how I interpret what he said. It isn't what he said, but that's what I hear . So - how to answer? "I'm sorry"? - That sounds lame.
How about, "No, I'm not mad, I feel hurt and defensive. When you say that, what I hear is -- "I'm sick, and the only reason I'm doing this is because YOU don't work." That might not be a fair interpretation of what you say, but that is what I hear. Then, I feel all the negative things that go with that. Guilt, defensiveness, worthlessness, weakness, dependence, powerlessness, incompetentence, like I don't have my [censored] together... I feel like crap."
Perhaps an honest direct report of what is going on with you without blaming???? That is THE 180 to shoot for. You can do it here, ergo, you can do it with him.
BTW, you can quit smoking. Just keep working on it. People who quit generally make several attempts. So you are getting closer to success!
Have you tried the 24-hour patches and used them for 3 months? Have you tried Zyban? Have you tried visualizing putting a cigarette out on the inside of your lung everytime you light up? Have you tried putting 5 bucks into a vacation fund for every pack you don't buy?
BTW, I certainly hope he doesn't see you packing said nightie for the weekend.
