Ok, I was a little whiney in my last post. Needed to vent I guess. Everything overwhelmed me for a while. Last night was hard to, explained everything to OG. He agreed with me that we needed to face facts and change something, your boat can't sail if the water never moves .
So we decided to back off until I can figure things out. I'm gonna ask H to wedding. I don't think he'll go but it's sort of just a guaging point. I just read JJ's post to Lee and he hit the nail on the head. I've never gotten really angry. I went from being deeply hurt to this higher plain of understanding it all. It's been almost a year (Nov) and that's enough time.
What was eating at me yesterday was that I felt sort of like the maryter that had to sacrifice losing everything to enable three other people to get on with their lives. I don't see myself as taking care of any of them or needing to, it just feels like that sort of. Like because I'm the strongest it's up to me. But that's life right.
Now I'm gonna have to talk to H. Tell him I broke it off with OG because point blank, "I'm married." See what his response is. Then I'm gonna have to do the scariest thing I've done yet and tell him that I can't be his best friend with OW in his life. The thought of completly breaking away from him scares me to death. It's something I really do not want to do at all. But I know I have to.
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