Ugh, having a tough time this week so figure it's time to post and let it out. I should probably move outta this department but we don't have a "been here a hell of a long time" catagory yet, so I'll stay put for now.
This week has been a hard one, and I havn't had that for awhile, I've been having a blast this summer. I've been getting weepy over stuff and feeling pressured, out of energy, like everyone wants me to make a choice. H and I continue to be best friends, seems neither of us wants a divorce but he can't bring himself to reconcile and leave OW either. In the meantime, I'm seeing someone finally and although I'm really confident and level headed about "me" now and my desicions in life it does complicate things.
I'm in a wedding in August and I decided to ask the guy as my date so I didn't have to hang out alone. That has brought on questions from my parents and friends, "ok, here's the new guy so when are you going to file" "Why are you still waiting" etc. We are becoming pretty serious and H knows about him. But I have no intention of even thinking about marrying him-it's like people think that's just the next logical step in my life and I haven't even gotten divorced yet! I had the thought the other day that I now love two people, which my mom replied wasn't possible. Funny, H asked me if that was possible when he moved out.
My C says I'm doing great, have grown in leaps and bounds, but I still have some down days. My choice is still to be with my H even though my life is going great without him. Still love him. And I'm pretty sure he loves me.
I'm detached but it's still wierd 'cause we email each other every day, still have lunch together once a week, still buy each other gifts. Plus there's four people now involved in the 10%/90? see-saw game. It could be a clinical study how the actions of one changes the dynamics of several relationships. C doesn't think I'm doing anything in poor judgement, she basically said I'm doing the best with the hand I've been given and that she thinks we have a very odd and unique thing going on here.
Oh well, I'm hosting a bachlorette party this weekend so I'm sure I'll perk up.
