Hello, haven't written for a while so thought I'd check in.
Not much progress with H, but no backwards either. I'm pretty sure H is still seeing OW on the sly and struggling with a lot of issues there, but also seems to want to spend time with me. I'm eerily calm about this, I think when I discoverd last week that he was probably still seeing her a part of me detached big time. It just doesn't hurt like it did anymore. Maybe that's a dangerous point I've reached or maybe that's a new stage of growth for me. Either way I've been pretty calm about everything and backed way off of him.
He asked if he could use the joint session we were to have today for himself, I had no prob with that, we have a joint one on Tuesday anyway. A part of me wonders if he's feeling it's not going to work and is going to call it quits. But there again, that doesn't really scare me anymore. I know complely that I've done great dbing and changed and really done about everything I could do. He's just not ready or willing to put back in the effort. And there's not a lot of progress we can make until he's willing to completly give her up. He's not anywhere near that I don't think.
And I'm getting weary of the limbo land. I'd like to have some closure one way or the other. If he does ask for a divorce I'm not saying it won't hurt me, but it doesn't throw me into panic like it used to. And maybe he won't anyway, maybe he's just going back and forth. He's reading self help books like crazy looking for answeres and he's getting some good feedback from counseling.
Not sure of this new stage I've entered. I'm just calm and at peace that I've done everything I can (and I'm still dbing) and basically things have to happen from his end and if they don't I guess he'll have to wonder if he did everything he could someday.
