Ok, just venting here. This is a hard week and I know it's because I have pms and I've discovered I always have a backslide in my emotions the week before-too many hormones raging I guess .

So next week I will probably be totally cool again, until then have to keep it together for this week.

I do realize that I'm in real danger of becoming resentful or giving up at this stage. I'm giving a lot and H is taking a lot. I feel like he's pushing me beyond what he knows anyone should be expected to take and then if I break he can point the finger at me and not have to take any responsibility once again. Very hard position for me to be in.

I am very strong and patient, and I am understanding, but I am still human. It just feels like he's looking for even the tiniest mistake in me to give him a reason to change his mind and then he can point the blame at me. I have changed, we both know that, but so far I haven't really gotten a chance to show him some of the core changes that he needs to see-I have to be patient and let him see those when he's ready.

However, my "Giver" is getting exhausted and the well is tapping dry. I know that's a huge sign to detach and I am trying, but he's coming at me with full barrels sometimes and just seems to be watching for the littlist sign of failure on my part.

And I sit here and I can rationalize every move he is making and why he's doing it and why I'm feeling the way I do-I've read enough books to understand him and me. But its still hard.

I'm not afraid that I can't db my but off, I'm not afraid that I'm not strong enough or not patient enough. I'm afraid that I'll just get fed up with all of it and concede to it all. Just become apathetic and tired of being taken for granted etc. Sounds familiar huh? I'm having WAW symptoms of my own now.

Ok, that's my vent, I'll hold it together, but the WAW fear is in my mind. I know how easy it is to let happen. Thanks for reading my rant, I feel better already. I'm gonna go out this weekend and have a great time, let H contact me on his own. I need time for me, space for me now.

Heidi