Me again. In the past few days, I've realized that I've been placing some pretty high expectations on H without realizing it and he's not in a place where he can handle any of that right now. I'm not coddeling him or letting him off any hook, I just realized he needs to know I can take care of myself and I'm not waiting around for him to make my life whole again. I didn't want to get into a big OR talk about it but I didn't want to wait to say it any longer either so wrote him an email (our best method of communicating) saying I had no expectations right now for him to come back and make promises and guarantee things for us or me.
I said I understand he's in a difficult place right now and that's he's probably trying to not let down anyone and unfortunaly in the position he's in that's hard to do.
Told him he didn't need to respond since I knew he was busy he could just absorb. I wrote it in a way that showed him I wasn't telling him how he felt but was more trying to understand how he might feel.
He wrote back and said he appreciated me being open about everything with him. Didn't elaborate, but I didn't need him to either.
At first I was afraid I was letting him off the hook. But then I realized that I don't want him back because of pressure or guilt, if he's not ready to deal with us then I don't want him back period. I think it helped me detach a little again and just sit back now and just enjoy the times we are together and not have this agenda in my head that I realize I quickly developed once he said he wanted to work on us. I have no expectations because I can't really afford to at this point.
