The level of contact is one of the things that got me the most. For instance, I KNOW for a fact that H was never 'in love' with OW/FFs and I KNOW/REMEMBER how much he was with me (long ago, of course, now it's replaced with vile hate). AND, H had a high level of contact with a few different people, not just OW in particular.
So, it got me thinking.....if at the very most in love, you never did that for me, but here you are contacting any woman that comes across your radar a million times, what is the deal?
The answer, I put together just recently after his confession and our talks: H admitted that during all this he was in a 'fog' of sorts. Was not himself. He said that he no love for himself, let alone for anyone else (when I asked if he 'fell in love.') and was feeling miserable (about us), guilty (about himself). He was barely keeping it together during the months. Not the strong balanced person he was. So at this low point, he goes OVERboard in indulging in a distraction, self-medication of sorts. Think of it as drinking. When life is good, you enjoy a few drinks, to kick back and relax, to enhance your life. When life is bad, you want to drink heavily to forget.
So, in a way, it's a GOOD sign that H's are less indulgent in US. Means that they are more balanced and well-rounded....esentially more capable of TRUE and LASTING love....because those things are built and given only when you love yourself, are happy and feeling strong.
Of course, I understand it, but it still hurts, when I think "geez, you can call OW a million times, but you can't call me until the end of the day b/c you have no time..."
