Before my H left, if something was on my mind, I would be a total grump until I got it off my chest ... and put it on my H's. I would go into a total tailspin over the dumbest, smallest things. And I would adjust my attitude accordingly ... so that my H *knew*, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was ticked. And until he addressed it with me, I would carry that attitude with me.
I decided when he was gone that that wasn't an effective way to communicate, and I wouldn't do it any more.
Now, if something's bothering me, I'll sit on it for a while to make sure it's a battle I'm willing to fight. And I don't hold a visible grudge in the meantime. If I still feel strongly about it after several hours, I'll talk to my H ... once I'm calm and rational enough to do so. If the mood passes, though, I'll just let it go.
What I've realized in the process is that my H thinks *a lot* more on his own now that I'm not doing the thinking for him. It's almost like my attitude used to enable him to continue ignoring my "needs."
Last night, I fell asleep on the couch, and he woke me to go to bed. We hadn't talked about OW all day, but when he sat down beside me in bed, out of nowhere he said, "Honey, I'm really sorry about all the turmoil I've caused in your life with OW."
I told him that he has been forgiven ... and that he has brought much more good to my life than bad, which makes it easy for me to continue loving him even in the bad times.
