Thanks so much for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts and encouragement. Indeed, I count myself very fortunate to have my H -- the one I knew, loved, married and believed in -- home. I can remember reading through the boards for the first couple months after he left, *knowing* that I'd never be one of the success stories (my H had totally left me in the dark; we wouldn't speak for weeks, and any communication we did have was initiated by me and would leave me in tears.)
My sitch was about as bleak as they come, with no obvious chance of reconciliation whatsoever. I guess what I'm trying to say is that *any* sitch can turn around at *any* given time. It just seems to happen that way.
Anyway, thanks again for stopping by.
Spitty!!!!
Good to hear from *you*!!! My girls are definitely spoiling the little man -- but they've been so much help! My oldest daughter takes care of him while I cook dinner, and both are willing diaper-changing candidates. The only problem is, they can't stand it when he cries ... which is often. As soon as he shows the first signs of hunger, the girls are handing him back off to mom.
That's okay. He's my little sunshine. My H -- as he often does -- just beamed with pride this a.m. as he looked at our little guy. H said, "He's just so darn cute, and that's coming from a guy!" I asked, "Aren't you proud of him?" And H responded, "Yes, but I'm most proud of you ..."
H and I had a miniature talk last night about OW's baby. I do not push any of my feelings onto him at all; I just let him talk. But I told him last night that I thought we needed to make an atty appt. pretty soon so that we could be proactive instead of blindsided by her later. H agreed, but he's not agreeable to having a part in the baby's life. He said, "Our son is a part of me and you. I don't want to have anything to do with OW at all. I don't ever want to have to see her again."
I asked if he's sure of that (mainly because I disagree with his position, but I didn't tell him that, of course). He said he would be willing to pay child support if that's what he had to do, but he still wouldn't want to be part of the baby's life because the baby -- and having to see her mother -- would serve as a constant reminder of what he had done to me and our son.
I dunno. It's so weird, ya know? It's difficult for me to take the hands-off approach to that sitch since he *is* my H, and what impacts his life obviously impacts mine. But at the same time, he created that sitch in the four months that our lives were not intertwined, so I feel like he should clean it up without my interference.
I guess all I do, at the end of the day, is support him and his decision. And that's what I told him last night. But I'll be darned if I allow her to ruin my life, if she ever tries. *That's* not going to happen. She's had enough of an impact on my life.
H and I are definitely focusing on us, our family and our M. He's a totally different person; it's hard for my eyes to believe what they're seeing at times. We're both so, so, so much happier -- and even more committed than we were in the months before he left. Some people have told me that those four months could be the best thing to ever happen to us. I would have never believed them, but now I can see where they're coming from.
My H has now been home as long as he was away, and things are better than ever.
grasshopper
Hey to you, too! Thanks for writing and for your kind thoughts. I'll be trying to read up on everyones' threads while I'm out of work on maternity leave. In the meantime, I sure hope you're doing well.
Hey, AmyC
I dropped a line over on dontfret's thread; I hated to read what she's going through. I remember how I felt when my H came home; thankfully, I didn't have to deal with the withdrawls from OW like dontfret's having to do. My H was 100 percent ready to leave the psycho. But I do remember how difficult the first couple months were. I was *constantly* suspicious. Is H and OW setting me up? Is he moving back home just to get me to sell the house, then he'll leave with OW? Is he talking to her without telling me???
Nothing he did was good enough -- and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do to not let on about my suspicions or feelings. I totally had to suck everything up and act as if I didn't suspect a thing.
I can't imagine having those feelings *and* having to deal with a H's withdrawl symptoms from OW. Bless dontfret's heart. I'll be thinking of her.
I'll also try to check out the other thread you mentioned. It breaks my heart to remember the four months I went through, and to read about other people who are now in those shoes is like reopening a wound. It hurts me to my core.
