Yikes. It's been some time since I've written; the last place I posted was in Infidelity. I posted one time in Piecing several months ago -- just as H and I started reconciling ... and about, oh, one day before I walked in on him and OW in bed together. Ouch!

For the benefit of those who don't know me, here's my sitch:

H 33, Me 28 (29 next month) with DD8 & DD9 from previous M
Married: February 2004
Found out I was preggo Aug. 30, 2005; H was anxious about it, as we didn't exactly plan to have children other than my DDs.
Bomb: Sept. 16, 2005. H, out of the blue, said he had never loved me -- in fact, he said he hated me -- and had been lying to me about loving me all three years we had been together. He left. I had *no* idea he had somebody waiting in the wings for him...
Bomb #2: December 2005. H starts coming back around slooooowly, and we initiate talks about reconciliation. (He had told me he had taken a girl out "a few times, but nothing ever happened.") We went to my 18-week ultrasound together and found out we would have a son. The following day, I walked in on H and OW in bed together. I found out who OW was: She had been working with my H on a design project -- in my home -- and she knew I was preggo. The little witch; she was always sweet as pie with me on the phone. Anyway, me walking in on their little party prompted yet another one of H's "explosions." He told me how badly he hated me, he didn't want the baby, yada, yada, yada.
January 19, 2006: H -- who had moved to a different town -- calls to tell me he's going to the house to remove a branch off the roof that had been there a while. Yeah, okay. I met him at the house, but pretended I didn't get his message (I had just filed a counter suit to his separation papers the day before, and I wanted to make sure I had not left the paperwork out for him to find.) H starts talking about how irrational his decisions had been and how he realized that what he perceived as my controlling behavior was actually me trying to protect him from making the stupid mistakes he had made since leaving.
Bomb #3: OW is preggo. Surprise, sur-freakin'-prise.
Jan. 21: A very apologetic H asks if he can come back home and tells me he had left me to pursue the grass on the other side of the fence. And in doing so, he said he learned that there's no one else he'd rather be with.

I took a chance ... a big one ... and told him that if he wanted to reconcile, he would have to move back into our house that night -- he couldn't spend another night at his apartment, to which Psycho-OW had a key and would creep in at 3 a.m. and cry on the couch after H told her he was coming back home.

Since that night, H hasn't gone so far as another room from me. He's been wonderful, very apologetic, very helpful, and he is wildly in love with our son, who was born May 8. (I might post about that another time.)

So why am I back on the boards? Well, things have settled a little. My hormones are getting back to normal -- whatever normal is. And now reality is sinking in. OW's due date is quickly approaching -- it's the end of July. We haven't heard from her since I sent her a letter in response to her obsessive communication with my H. I told her that I stood behind my H and would support him whatever his decision re: the baby ... including fighting for custody, if that was his desire (and it's not).

Here's a little background on Witchy Woman: By the time she was only 9 weeks pregnant, she had convinced my gullible H that she was having a boy. She even let H name him. But about a month ago, all the blue items on her baby registry mysteriously turned to pink. What a freakin' fruitcake!

BTW, I'm operating under the assumption that she *is* preggo and that the baby *is* my H's. I've accepted that.

What I'm sure I will continue to grapple with -- especially considering this new, wonderful R my H and I have found -- is why it all had to happen in the first place. On one hand, I truly believe that without that terrible four months, my H wouldn't feel nearly as intensely about me or our son as he does now. But on the other hand, my bubble of bliss is burst every time I think about how quickly July is approaching -- every time I remember that he created a life with someone after only being with her for two months. I feel they both cheated me and my son out of something. And that is much, much more difficult to accept ...

How am I coping? Well right now, by simply not talking about it. And that *could* be unhealthy. Then again, I don't necessarily feel I'm repressing anything. I just don't want to talk about it. That's all. And I know my H doesn't want to talk about it, either.

We hashed a lot out in the beginning, but if she becomes the topic of our conversations now, we both get really bummed out. At this point, we're just waiting everything out as far as her baby is concerned. But there is a part of me that feels like my feelings are being somewhat put off. Had it *only* been an A, I think we could talk more freely about everything. But add a child to the mix, and it becomes very difficult to talk about things -- it just upsets both of us.

And another reason I'm back on the boards: I made some awesome friends here who were able to put a smile on my face during four of the most miserable months of my life. *That* is a gift ... and an invaluable one at that.

I can't promise I'll be on here a lot, but I do plan to check in. It feels good to be back among friends...