Thanks for stopping by my post...I read a lot of your posts and really respect what you have to say. So, here are some answers.
Regarding my job. I am not that upset with my lay off. I know it's about the company's instability and has nothing to do with me. My boss tells me daily how much he appreciates what I do and how valuable I am to our department. I was more upset about losing the friendships I have there and not getting to see my mom everyday (she works there too). I gave up worrying about my professional ego when I took this job in the first place. I have a degree in Interior Design and was working as a Recruiter for Physical and Occupational Therapists. So, by not working in Design, I felt like I compromised myself professionally. Anyway, it was a good choice; it allowed me the freedom I needed with a newborn.
Regarding our anniversary. Yes, I was expecting him to remember and say it first. I think the part that hurt the worst was that he actually forgot it. He responded with, "Oh my god, I forgot." With the miscarriage and lay off, yes, I am feeling a little down. I really needed him to be more for me.
I am the type to dread any holiday, only because I feel like I have such high expectations of what it's supposed to be. I fantasize about the man in my life making those days special, or at least acting more attentive. It's a disappointment I bring on myself, I know.
I guess when H says I make those expressions, I am always feeling that he is being so negative and down about whatever it is he’s talking about and that I wish he'd just get over it. I have little tolerance for people who ALWAYS complain and are negative. I know there's a time and place, but it's really draining when that's the way they react to things.
The only part I that I will disagree with you on is when you said that my H is not what I want, or will ever want. I want my H more than any other person. I can learn to accept that he is not able to totally be the person that I want him to be. There are things that I do for him that is not "me", I do them because I love him and that's what he needs. I want him to do the same for me. I think the feeling is more like sadness than disappointment. I feel like he is not willing to give to me as I have to him. It was the number one thing that has come up in MC. I need QT. He knows it, what else can I do? I can’t make him spend time with me or be cuddly and romantic. Not only can I not make him do it, but also I don’t want to. He used to be like that, it’s in him, and he knows how to do it. So, should I not be expecting him to step up and do what I need? Is there something I can change?
Thanks again, looking forward to your response,
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
