17 yrs of a non sexual Husband

[Brian_M]

Texassandy
Yes, your responses are pretty much what I expected, not indicative of a healthy SL at all. It sound like right now you are basically just a vehicle to satisfy his physical needs and that is it. That is very sad. This would be a great topic for your MC. There are all kinds of issues here that need to be addressed.

For now, a place to start is in your own head. Change your own goals of ML. You want an emotional connection, so demand it! For example, when your H gets done with his 30 seconds of lead up and tries to go for it, roll him over, pin his arms, slow down, and kiss his neck and chest maybe. Then, after a little giving to him, look at him in the eyes, smile, and say, “Now how about a little of that for me?” In short, set your own goals and then lead by example. If that works out, then after a few minutes, take control again and go at him with another foreplay activity. Considering your H’s current view of ML, I would think you should demand a minimum of 30 minutes of foreplay before he even gets to even touch your bits. A suggestion though, if you have to pull his hand away, be sure to transition that pull away straight into something pleasurable for him so that he does not take that as a rejection. It can be tricky to prolong foreplay without hurting his ego or feelings.

Another suggestion would be prolong the actual act with an emotional interlude. For now, I would really recommend that you consider being on top so that you have control of what happens during the act. Maybe start out by giving him a little of what he wants, but they stop moving in the middle and just kiss him or hold him. Yes, he might freak out a bit and get impatient, but so what, he needs to learn what your priorities and needs are. Furthermore, if he gets testy and won’t play by your rules, then don’t let him get his O. Just quit and tell him you would be happy to give this a try another time when he is willing to consider your needs too.

Honestly, I think you really need to completely redefine nearly every detail of your intimate life. The above goals are just practical examples of how to get that change started . Though, ultimately, you need MC help, much better and more open communication, and a whole lot of change from your H. I hope this helps.