Yes, absolutely they are. At least to me and you, and a lot of other spouses devastated by infidelity (both sides).
Vows, most, were said in the presence of family and friends, in Gods House and some are accompanied by a religious ceremony of some sort-Christians take the body and blood of Christ...To me that is very powerful. When I found out about the A I felt like those words that had been said, the lighting of the unity candle, the Holy Sacrament... were all lies-his lies to me. He blew it all away. It makes me sad to think of our wedding-I have removed most of our wedding photos from prominent places in the house.
I have told my H that I want to renew our vows someday ; I took off my rings pretty much the day I found out the whole truth, finally months later at his request he put them back on my hand. That's when I told him I would like to renew our vows someday-BUT I told him that I was not going to be the BIG PLANNER of that one (I usually end up doing a majority of the planning for trips/vacations-not all but most), anyway, I told him I would not set it up or even look into it-that he'd have to make the first move on that one. I offered to help, but it would be up to him to start that ball rolling. I also told him I was not ready for that step and would not be for a while, I can't face that now, I have told I feel we are no longer "married"-he broke that-and I left it at 'eventually'.
I have not brought it up again. I would love for him to surprise me with a small private renewal ceremony someday-like on an anniversary-but for now, he knows I want to someday-and am working towards that.
In your case, I would ask your H what he wants to do. If HE wants to. Really wants to. I know y'all have discussed it, but was he honest with you about what he wants to do? I would want to know that he wants to and not just because he knows you want to. If you feel that you have to push him, then maybe it's not the right time, maybe it's too much pressure for him, he feels so much guilt over this. If you have to push the issue it might be too much for him right now. I would try and find out where he's really coming from on this one.
