Hey gang! Pretty jammed-up right now, just wanted to let you know I'm still alive! W's not doing very well at times, bad anxiety attacks and depression. Needing more help than she's getting right now, and more than I'm qualified to give. She's realizing it, is scared deep down inside, and we need to put together a plan of attack to get her the help she needs. Her hand is sincerely reaching WAY out, so I'll be there for and with her.
W knows where I stand, some of the things that I won't accept in MY life. I made it clear to her that some things WILL change, and that I would like her help with it, and if she doesn't want to or can't help, I need her to stay out of the way. That I've given it a lot of careful thought, and it's not a control issue, but a matter of setting my boundaries. That I can't continue living this way, and that I'm not leaving again.
She hasn't blown-up at me yet, and seems to be drawing closer and more committed to OR.
I'm stirring up a bunch of stuff on the step-D situation, and things are starting to happen. This will probably get ugly for a while, and will be taking a lot of my time and energy. I'm confident that no matter what happens, it will be for the best. At least things are going to change, anyway!!
Michele - Thanks for your reply, and your vote of confidence. I'm putting down the DB and Divorce Remedy books for a while, and re-studying your "Change Your Life…" book. I'm currently putting a different twist on "making things worse", just to help change the direction some things are heading (or NOT heading!). Will keep you all up on the results.
Peace to you all!!
[ October 05, 2001: Message edited by: Jamesjohn ]
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Things are still a bit chaotic on the homefront, but the OR is going pretty great! Seems like W is VERY relieved at me taking over some of the stuff she can't handle. She's agreed to let me do what I need to do, doesn't want to know everything I'm doing, will stay out of the way, will trust my judgement, and won't make me out to be the "bad guy". I know, this probably wouldn't be healthy for the R as a long-term solution. It seems to be what needs to be done for now, and is giving her a chance to build her strength back up. I do see her getting a bit stronger every day. She wants to start pulling more of her weight around the house.
She had a chance to help out with a work related situation of mine. I was getting called on the carpet about some things, having a "special meeting" with my boss. She was familiar with the systems of management my boss was taught, and pulled out a ton of paperwork about interviews, reprimands, etc. from the major corporation they both used to work afor She went over a lot of stuff with me, the things she thought he was going to say, why he was going to say them, what all the steps were, suggestions on how to handle it, etc. She REALLY got into helping me with this, was more alive and stronger than I've seen her for awhile.
I brought a lot of the paperwork to work with me. Among the papers, I found several notes of encouragement she wrote to me. Telling me I'm a great man, a person whose life changes others by example. That everything will be fine. That she sees only a fraction of my heart, and is inspired to be a better human. Some very wonderful heartfelt prayers for me. That my integrity, compassion, the fear of God does not go unnoticed. She also wrote that I'm cute when I sleep!! This all brought tears to my eyes, and made my heart feel so warm.
All in all, things are going well. Still a lot of crap to deal with, but it's getting closer to playing itself out, and seems to be drawing us closer as a couple. I am STILL a little leary at times of the R going sideways, but the fears are growing weaker daily. It feels like the foundation is getting stronger beneath us.
Peace to you all. Hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
That's a great post. Ya know, sometimes we wonder if they really see us and believe the changes and growth we've gone through in an effort to save a marriage. Your post makes it obvious that your w sure has.
Hey gang! Still alive, and R is doing VERY well! Still a lot of general life and family issues that kinda suck, but they're working their way through, and W and I are working through them VERY closely together!
Not much time, just a few positive notes...
W signed us up for the "I Still Do" conference next weekend. It's a one day seminar that revolves around healing and improving your marriage. At the end of the day, there's a renewal of the "marriage covenant. This was all HER idea!
We came into a little extra money, and W is foregoing getting clothes and other personal pleasures in order to get things for the "home". She wants to get the house looking great for "us"!
While we were separated, her wedding ring was stolen. She's been wearing my ring quite a bit lately, and she wrote to me "I want to have my ring back! It's a symbol of our love! I think it looks so sexy on your hand!" I'm going to sneak out and get two more rings for us to give her at the end of the conference next weekend.
We're learning more about each other everyday, and learning how to love each other a little bit better. We're still dealing with some of the family crap that broke us apart before, and some of it's a little bit worse. But this time we're working through it together, and it's drawing us closer.
I'll keep posting when I can, hope everyone's doing GREAT! You all are a great group of friends!
[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: Jamesjohn ]
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Hello everyone! Just checking in to let you know things in the R department are going GREAT!
The conference we went to last weekend was FANTASTIC! I would definitely recommend it to anyone that has a chance to go. It's a christian-based program, and was very life changing and eye-opening for both of us. It helped to put the reasons for getting married, and how's and why's to stay married, out on the table.
I won't get into the details, just the highlights.
One portion of the program was for the husband and wife to turn to each other, and making a vow to take the option of divorce off the table. To find other solutions to problems, and to not even consider divorce.
At the end of the program, there was a marriage ceremony, with about 14,000 people renewing their marriage covenant. I DID sneak out and get us two new wedding bands for our new marriage! I don't think I've ever seen my W blubbler with so much joy.
It's impossible to describe how awesome the day was. Tears are coming to my eyes as I'm sitting here thinking about it. It was a very powerful program, and a must for any couple who want to renew and strengthen their marriage. The feeling of being in the same room with that many people who still believe in the covenant of marriage was overwhelming and indescribable.
I love you guys and ladies! Hang in there, and know that good things CAN happen! Peace to all.
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
JJ, Sounds like you will be having an extra special holiday season this year. You deserve it.
I've gotta say that things are pretty great on my end as well. Time constraints are tugging at me more know than ever. I don't have time or energy to dwell any negative aspects of what happened any longer. I even feel myself distancing from this BB. Perhaps this place is not disimilar from other issues in the past that we eventually need to leave behind (fondly).
He was on foot, crossing the street a mere 25 feet in front of me.
I did not accelerate.
I did not swerve up onto the curb.
I DID stare him down, and he broke eye contact first.
I think I deserve a gold star for the day for showing restraint and self-control.
Kent - Sorry if I've let you down. I just washed my car, and didn't want to get it slimy. I also just got new tires, and didn't want to void the road hazard warranty. I checked, and om sludge deteriorates the tread life.
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
I think you picked the right way to go, be proud! Just curious, have you had any or much contact with him before? I'm going to go back and read to see...
This all brought tears to my eyes, and made my heart feel so warm.
