First off thnaks for the reply Haphazard it is really informative and thoughtfull!
Secondly I have an update on my situation that is actually a very big revelation for us. But I am not sure if it is good or bad and what to do next.
Ok so she comes home last night and I still didn't know what to say to handle the sitaution but we ended up talking about the situation. When I first explaind the situation and how I felt she told me that I wasn't making her feel special this past weekend. (This was one of the things she had asked for out of the relationship or somthing I work on etc...) her telling me this kind of made me mad because I actually tried really hard to make her feel special and I could easily site a few dozen things I went out of my way to make her feel special. I have always been willng to listen to things I can do better to help this situation but I really felt this was a 'cop out' on her part especially since the night before I suprised her with a dvd that she wanted to watch not me and a movie watching with back rubs. Plus she really couldn't cite any specific instance that I didn't treat her special and she also could not think of any thing I could have doen better or different.
*I'll cut the crap and get to the big part of the story.
After a little talking etc...and me being armed with info from 4 hours of reading this board I have her an a choice. I told her I would continue working on making her feel special and I would keep working at the relationship but I couldn't go on with her telling me she had the desire but acting like she didn't it was making me crazy and that it was a wall in front of us getting any better.
For some reason this must have hit home and after months and months of talking and fighting she finaly admited she had no desire!
She broke down crying and said she had been keeping it from me because she thought I would be mad. (This is what I had expected.) She admited that this drove her crazy and she thought about it al the time, that she felt like a freak and that she sees poeple on TV and in reall life talk about sex and enjoy sex and she just wanted to be normal. She said that is why she likes the tv show 'sex in the city' because she just wanted to be like those people. She even said that she always wondered when she was younger why she wasn't as sexual and she just assumed that when she got a boyfriend it would come naturaly. This is a huge break through because she has always insisted that she had desire. I qualmed any desire to be angery at this point, I wanted to say "why couldn't we have gotton this out along time ago." I was really reassuring and I promised that it was great that she was being honest and that this was going to help the situation and that most of the reasons I get mad is because of the 'mixed signal' thing. I told her I was happy she was being honest and I promised we would work togethor on this as a team. I told her that she was going to have to take alot of responsibility in looking into her self and working on this but I would be at her side and help her.
She is going to be home from work in 4-5 hours and we are going to talk about this and her desire so I need advive on how to handle this situation! What do I say? What do I suggest? What are some of things I can suggest that migth help?
