I am sorry to hear that your husband left, ideally temporarily. It sounds to me that there is a pretty fair chance he will return...provided that you show him that you commited to making it work and getting back in the swing of things. It's a matter of whether you can "get there" as it would seem you do not know the cause (other than perhaps stress, which I think can play a significant role) of your low libido. Although...our MC said he does not think my wife's issue is "low libido" or "mismatched libido", but the MC would not yet say what the MC sees as the cause until we have done some excercises (putting thoughts on paper). My guess is that it's that she does not feel taken care of enough; financially.
You are right in your assessment that men do feel frustrated and betrayed by the no sex situation. It definitely feels like being controlled...especially after carefree and frequent sex while dating and little/none after getting married. I see your point about the ultimatum, but I do not know that this would have really sunk in w/ you, unless he did actually leave. I can relate to him being "pissed off" because I am often there myself, although I'd categorize myself as frustrated because I do not exhibit negative behavior.
We too have gone through the BC, Thyroid, Hormone, MC routes. None have done much, if anything. The MC has helped some in that the MC is a referee as to what is "fair" and "reasonable". I do not get much from the MC, other than perhaps validation, which has it's merit - but does nothing to resolve the issue.
I think it's clear to my W that I cannot continue this way, but she just says there is nothing she can do except lay down and spread her legs - obviously these types of comments just further alienate and increase the divide between us.
I told her that via MC and church that I am trying my best to believe what she is telling me rather than what her actions show. Also that this is a very difficult task because everything in my gut, heart and head tell me she is not interested in me and I am wasting my time.
The best advice I could pass along to you would be to do some soul searching and try to get to the bottom of why you do not want to sleep with him. There may be a valid reason. Initially, you are having a knee jerk reaction to him leaving and trying to figure out how to get him back. Do not discount the possibility that you let it get this far because deep down you wanted out. Ideally, this is not the case - but you owe it to yourself and him to make sure you want back in or if you do reconcile without figuring it out, you'll end up right back in this same place down the road.
