How long to wait?

[alamogirl]

Hi guys,

I just feel horrible reading your posts. My H and I have been married 12 years in July. For some reason, my libido took a nose dive about 5 years ago, and about 2.5 years ago, we stopped having sex altogether. This past weekend, my wonderful H left. He's now living in an apartment several miles away. I FEEL HORRIBLE! From a woman's perspective, I wish my H would have given me an ultimatum. I wish he would have said, "I cannot live in a sexless marriage. If we don't have sex, then we need to split up." When I asked him why he didn't do that, he felt that he shouldn't have had to. I agree with him, BUT, in my defense, we were going through so much stress. I realize that men can have sex even through stress, but women are different. Five years ago, we went through everything from buying a house, firing contractors, bankruptcy, husband quitting job, to both of us attending college.

I'm not excusing myself, but you can see why I was under so much stress. We always had a wonderful sex life up until 5 years ago. I don't know what happened. I visiting my GYN, and she put me on a certain brand of BC, which were supposed to have increased my libido. It didn't work, and I never went back for a change. Also, I had my thyroid and testosterone checked and both came back normal. I blamed everything on stress, but I didn't do a damn thing about it. Now, I'm very sad that the best thing that ever happened to me is gone.

He did indicate that he was not going to close the door on us, and that we could date. I don't know if dating includes sex. But he needs a break, and in a way, so do I. Living with him was pure hell, but now, I understand why. He was never abusive in any way, but he was always pissed off .

I've been on other marital websites. I got on "Dr. Ellen" website, and she talks about how sex governs a man's well being from how he treats his family to working relationships. Just reading your posts, I understand how frustrated you all are. Now, I understand, but I'm a little late.

I just read somewhere about Viagra for women...never knew that, but I am willing to try it. I am so sorry you all are going through this. This is exactly what I put my H through. There was no reasoning with him the day he left. He's afraid to trust me, and thinks that if we go back, I'll be back to my old self again. At this point, I don't see how I could ever refuse him again. I feel like crap and want him back in my daily life. He calls and comes around, but then he leaves. You all are amazing men to put up with women like me. And like your wives, I didn't think anything of it. I had your wives' attitude about sex. I just wish my H would have given me an ultimatum to show that he was not going to put up with a roommate marriage. My H doesn't think counseling will work because I'm the one with sex issues. I'm so glad I found this site. It's helped me tremendously. I hope my H will someday give me the chance to prove that our marriage can and will work.

I'm not going to say "hang in there" because you shouldn't.