I am just about finished with the Schnarch book, Passionate Marriage . I must say, it is a book that will change your perspective on your marriage. I highly recommend it to both of you if you have not already read it. With this in mind, I offer these comments.
Both of you are too strongly fused with your wives. Both of you appear to be wrapped around your wive's finger. Stop acting like puppies begging for affection. I feel that I can say this because I am attempting to move out of this phase myself. Both of you sound like me during my most down times.
If your wife does not respond to your advances, realize that she has a problem, but don't try to change her, she has no reason to change anyway. It appears that she is in control of the marriage and probably likes the way things as they are. Instead, change your response to her. Let her know that she is entitled to her feelings about sex in the relationship and that you will no longer beg for it or pressure her to change (that is what begging is.) Do not get angry or try to make her feel guilty. Let her know what you want in the marriage but don't demand that she change. Hopefully, she will see that you are changing and therefore the relationship will change. She can choose to change with it or not.
This is really an attempt to get you "Schnarchy" as the folks on the BB call it, from one who is trying to get there himself. (I am not sure if this can be done without a MC to lead us through it.)
Others can do a much better job of explaining this than I can. There are many threads on the BB that address these issues. I am still attempting to grasp the concepts myself. But this is what came to mind as I have been following this thread.
