Quote: She made the "offically separated" comment because I asked about our sex life and it was not a "good time". There is never a "good time" to discuss it or actually have it. So because I pushed to discuss it, she replied with the official separation comments. Granted, it was late at night after I realized that again she brought up sex, but nothing would occur.
You touched on the "pretending" your wife does. I wonder if that is what is going on with my situation. She says things (that seem a positive step to R or sex), but does the opposite. It's like she is faking the comments and the behavior is the real story. As for something distracting her, it seems just about anything will distract her from discussing or acting on our sex life. I will say that she is a generally distracted person. She often gets distracted by the environment or people around her.
The MC told her that it was perfectly reasonable for me to want to discuss it and there was also a physiological reason behind it. That men that go without sex are by nature more agressive. If she with holds sex, I am more prone to show the agressiveness by wanting to discuss it. Some men show agreesiveness through actions, apparently I show mine with words (asking to discuss).
One of the other things I read on this board was NOT to discuss the relationship unless she brings it up. Certainly not the S part.
I have brought it up 5 times in the last month, and she did once, and each turned into an emotionally draining, long, drawn out converstaion that ended in her saying I am not hurting anyone or having an affair, and I am going to continue to have fun with my friends.
okay, but she is hurting me and does not NOTICE. So in my case, and maybe some of yours if she has a limited attention span, she may notice, but forget. I know my wife does not even remember some of the points she made, and the things she told me in our conversations. Where I remember almost every word.
The reason I say that is one thing I am implementing as of finding this board is, I am NOT bringing up dirty laundry anymore. It has been beat to death and not worthy of discussing. As a result I dont think about it much anymore.
That also leads me to the point of if you act like nothing is wrong, eventually you wont be acting anymore. (another little tip from the forum here)
So she may notice, but quickly forget because its more important to YOU that you guys work it than it is to her I hate to say. I am in the same boat, she really just wants to haver her fun and thinks I will be here to pay for it all, keep the house clean, and raise our child.
