I am a pessimist by nature about these matters so take my comments from that perspective. By background, my wife become ND after many years of marriage. Although we have been to councelling and my wife has been to see doctors on the situation, she has remained ND for a dozen years. We have fought, I have semi threatened, pleaded, left it in her court for months and years and no change has occured. It is a miserable existence to be the spouse of a ND Husband or wife. Anyway, the fact is my wife is now ND and doesn't want sex. She truly sees the lack of sex as my "problem" - after all she has no desire for sex so why is that her problem.
So what is my point? I think you are in a very difficult position. How will your wife regain (or is it gain) desire without a significant amount of effort and probably third party intervention? Is she willing to put in a very significant, meaningful and heartfelt effort to become a sexual being? On the other hand does she really see this as your problem and only put in a bare minimum effort to appease you by submitting to infrequent and unpassionated duty sex and hope that you will eventually leave her alone? These are questions you should ask yourself - if you don't see any real effort on her part, I suspect that she subscribes to the "this is your problem and I will put in the bare minimum effort approach". I know this is all condoned by her female friends which makes the idea of true change even more remote. In this case you are in a doomed relationship no matter what. You can soon expect to have a truly passionate moment that would be dependent a combination of factors including how high you leap, the color of the moon and the alignment of Jupiter and Mars in the third alternating leap year in a decade begining with an odd number.
As to whether your wife finds you physically appealing any more, from what you say, it appears that you have kept yourself up - also you have only been married a short time before the ND behaviour commenced. I doubt that your physical attractivenes has anything to do with the situation. I know it is difficult to feel good about yourself when you are constantly rejected and live in a housebuddy relationship.
You also indicate that your instincts seem to indicate that she married you to provide financial security for her and her kids and now that she has reeled you in she has thrown away the bait and the fishing rod. Can't say that I disagree with your instincts from the way you describe the situation.
I feel for you Truman - you seem like a decent guy with a very difficult choice.
