I have not posted here often, actually it's been a while since my last post (last summer), but I often read here for moral support.
My situation (briefly) is that I dated my wife for 1.5 years prior to marriage. Our sex life was very compatible in terms of frequency and range of activities. From the day I got married (almost 2 years ago), it all changed.
We went from sex mutliple a week to now maybe 1 time every couple of months. There may be an occasion when there is activity more frequently, but it quickly turns back into infrequency. The infrequency is also coupled with only basic routine sex. There is always some "good" reason not to have sex according to her, but it's a little odd that the "good" reasons seem to schedule themselves one after another so that activity is little and infrequent.
We have run the gamet as far as checking/changing her meds that could affect libido, medical tests, hormones, counseling, discussing and the like routine of trying to work this out.
I have gone out of my way to be romantic, provide safety, squash arguments that I know that I was right. I have provided a nice and stable home in a good community, monthly monies so she does not need to work, etc, etc. I have developed a very good relationship with her parents. I handle all the bills, insurance, etc. I do not ask much of her, other to instruct and pay the cleaning lady. Perhaps maybe be cordial to my family.
In a counseling session she said she did not trust me. When asked to cite examples, she gave none. I have racked my brain to figure out why she would not trust me and then it dawned on me that maybe she does not trust me because she herself is hidding something. Maybe that's paraniod...I do not know.
She has gone to Doctors and Therapists to figure out why she lost her libido (and the timing is suspect as it happened right after we got married and has stayed that way ever since). We have had no results from those appointments. She often refuses to talk about it at all. We do joke about it sometime and it helps break the ice a little and sometimes there is an argument...which I explained may happen as I will get frustrated with "no sex" and no discussion towards a solution.
Anyway...I am not happy with this obviously. Every once in a while she'll say she is feeling frisky or felt frisky, but then nothing happens anyway. It's worse that she even tells me this. I told her a few months into the marriage that "no sex" would build a wall between us and it has.
I do not want to threaten her about divorce as I know this will make matters worse, but there has to a line in the sand somewhere. Or am I to just ride along and hope she'll change back to the girl I dated?
This seems like a "bait and switch" sales technique. She has done a complete 180. I have let it alone for long periods hoping that might help, but it has not. Now that the divide is there, maybe I do not see things reasonably...maybe I over analyze it all and see stuff that is not there.
She says she loves me. I have calmly sat her down and said that it seems her love for me is more brotherly and not as a husband. She denies that, but her actions show it. She tells me she loves me and hugs me all the time, but there is rarely any other physical connection. I know this sounds stupid, but she kisses me with her mouth closed. Again, maybe I am over analyzing this, but that has to mean something. I just want to get all the cards on the table and deal with them. She has ommitted issues in couseling or later confided in me that things were as I had originally stated. This behavior makes me feel like everything she denies, may be true.
The end result is that I do not feel she is attracted to me. She denies that, but again...who knows if that denial will later be reversed.
Anyway...I do not know how long I should stay. I know I will not be happy "as is", but also do not want to quit.
