Hey gang! Just checking in to let you know everything's still going great!
Both been doing our "homework" pretty faithfully. In fact, W taped the list of our assignments on the bathroom mirror as a constant reminder to us! She's been practicing the HALT inventory the C taught us about taking care of ourselves (are we too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, too Tired), and taking care of that problem before continuing with anything else. Setting her alarm to get up to see me in the morning before I leave. We've both been "catching each other doing things right", and telling each other about it.
Another thing that came up in the session was her impression that when I distance and detach, she interpreted it as me "pouting". She now understands, with the help of the C, that these are times where I'm taking care of myself. I'm now letting her know that I just need some time for myself, some "JJ time", and things are ok.
She had another "light bulb moment" this weekend as we were talking about the boy. She's looking for some answers about his anger and his constant arguments with her. I suggested to her that sometime she might try not saying a word to him, just let him talk his way through things, act like she's lost her voice. That he's opened up more to me whenever I've done this. He's a guy, and he's a teenager, and it takes some time to really get to the point of what he's thinking and saying. That's when it dawned on her that a lot of times she gets irritated at me within a couple of sentences, cuts me off, and doesn't really let me finish what I was trying to say. She apologized, didn't realize that she was doing that.
Our love languages book came in yesterday, and as I was dozing off last night, I "caught" her reading it in bed. She was MORE than reading it, she was taking notes!
Her back went out this weekend, so I MADE her take it easy and took care of her. This was something that really meant a lot to her, and something I didn't do so open-heartedly in the past.
She's got a lot on her mind, still a lot of "life crap" going on, and more yet to come. The good part is we're sharing what we can of it, and it's seeming a little less overwhelming. For both of us. I'm determined not to force any of the OR stuff, and really appreciating any effort she's putting into it. Learning more about her, and what the things are that really mean a lot to her. I'm still a bit apprehensive about things at times, but am going with Kent's "winding road" visualization. I'm appreciating any and all good things that happen, and the efforts she puts forth. Doing more of what works. Sticking with the previous "recipe".
Progress, not perfection, right?!
JJ
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