Quote: I was dumb in thinking that if I could get the alcohol out of the relationship, it would be ok.
A huge ditto on this one! Alcoholism is part of a whole constellation of personality problems. Stopping drinking is only the beginning. Fortunately I pressured my bf into counseling about a year after he stopped drinking (he stopped in April 2004 after quad bypass surgery), and he absolutely ADORES this counselor. They have a wonderful, rich, nurturing relationship.
And, in my current "breakthrough" state... would I still pressure him into counseling? Yes, because alcohol abuse is abuse and in an enlightened state, you have permission not to tolerate abuse.
I wish I could have got H into C. He would not go. He has the impression he is always right and does nothing wrong. He took some Psyc classes in college and says its all a bunch of BS. I don't know how he would feel now, but I intend to find out.
On another note I started seeing a C about 3 yrs ago. I went twice. There was this big snow storm and I called to say I was not going to be able to get there from work on time. The Receptionist told me the dr. had not even come in. I asked if they were going to even call me, there was no answer. I also asked to reschedule the appt., she told me the dr would call me to reschedule. Well she never called. I never called back there either. I kind of got a bad taste in my mouth for C after that. I know I have to take the initiative to find one that I like and I will do that.
My bf and I were talking about this at dinner tonight. He is having a problem with one of his daughters re her getting the paperwork done to get into college. He discussed this with his C at his regular appointment today. The C came up with some brilliant insights into how this daughter is sabotaging her own application.
But I said it is so great for my bf to have this man to talk to about stuff like this. I said, "People have such a wrong idea about what counseling/therapy is all about. They think it's like going to the principal's office-- that you messed up and this person is going to straighten you out. Or that you're sick and need to be cured. But at its best, it's like having the perfect parent, who is 100% supportive of YOUR wellbeing, with none of the baggage that you have with your real life parent. The C's mission is all about YOU and making your life better-- the C has no vested interest in what you do. They don't care if you get a D, get married, have kids, don't have kids, quit your job-- the way a parent or friend might. The C only cares about your welfare. They are a perfectly caring perfectly neutral parent substitute."
Your husband has the completely wrong idea about therapy. He thinks he will get his butt kicked and he's completely wrong. In fact, if you go to a C and don't feel like they're on your side, you should fire them immediately. I don't mean they shouldn't tell you hard truths-- they should. But you need to feel that they are completely in your corner and care only about your welfare.
Yes, annette, you should find one for yourself, too. If you got one bad haircut, would you stop getting your hair cut? If one plumber messed up, would you never call a plumber again?
