Hey, gang. Not a lot going on, just kinda normal BS. Having to stay pretty heavily detached, trying to sort out if some things are W's problems, my problems, or OUR problems. Right now, in her mind, it belongs solely to me. Issues with the kids again, she's quit talking to me about them, asking me for my opinions, yet wants me to agree with all she's doing. Having a hard time with it, I'm having to choke back a lot of opinions, and compromise on some of my boundaries. Things are digressing to the way they were before, some of the old patterns are re-emerging. The kids don't see W & I as a united front, and she feels she has to choose between me and them. And they know how to play that game all too well. She's not into talking about it, and is very defensive no matter how I approach the discussion. My doing something different is to just let things be, to detach a lot, but then it gets back to me not being involved, not wanting to be part of the family. Her feeling that I just hate them. Round and round. Only 39 more hours until our session with the C, I think I can make it until then. Definitely need some help on the communication issues.
I had to sit down and journal some thoughts I had about some things I've learned. I'll share them with you, and you can tell me if you think they make any sense to you.
1) Just because something's important to me doesn't mean it's gonna be or HAS to be important to anyone else. Everyone has different priorities, and they're not always gonna match mine.
2) Just because something's important to someone else doesn't mean it's gonna be or HAS to be important to me.
3) Keep your expectations low (or even non-existent), and your hopes realistic.
4) People usually only want your advice or opinion when what you have to say validates what they've already done, or have decided to do. Keep it to yourself! Even when asked directly, most people don't want to hear about it unless you agree with them.
5) Only give to people what you don't expect to be returned. This goes for both material and spiritualistic things. This helps to keep the giver / taker syndrome in better balance. Less disappointments, less unrealistic / unfulfilled expectations, and more peace in life.
6) Just because people don't do things your way doesn't mean it's the wrong way. It's just a different way.
7) God's will, in God's way, in God's time. Don't interfere with his plans for other people.
I'm not completely sure if these thoughts are realistic or pessimistic. Or if it's just part of a pity-party I'm having for myself. They DID help me get through the past few days, though. That's one part about detaching and distancing, it gives you time away from the drama, and gives you a chance to reflect on YOUR "stuff". Makes my head hurt sometimes!!
JJ
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