W finally told me about being in contact with om again. I overheard her talking to him on the phone Thursday, I didn't say anything, and I didn't leave the area. I wasn't gonna be chased away. Sounded like he was arguing with her about something, making her feel like crap, putting her on the spot about some things. He was DEFINITELY not DB'ing!
In bed that night, she told me that she felt good, better than she has in a long time, that she is finally through with him. That it was like it said in the papers I left for her, how any contact starts the "getting-over-it" process over again. She went to his parent's house where he stays (she had some business with them), she saw him, and the confusion started. She realizes that I was right, that she shouldn't have any contact with his family, either. That she realizes she doesn't even LIKE him anymore, let alone have any good feelings for him. That she's sorry she hurt me again. Asked me if I had anything to ask or say, I said not now, maybe in a day or two. Just that I was glad she felt better about things now. (I knew that it was better to just keep my mouth shut for the time being).
When I left the house the next morning, I took my overnight supplies with me, wasn't sure if I was coming home that night. She sent me a couple of text messages that day, I answered them briefly. I DID go home, she saw me carry in my supplies. She asked if I had planned to stay somewhere, told her when I left the house this morning, I wasn't sure what I was gonna do. We got interrupted, and the subject never came up again.
The weekend went well, I got up way earlier than her and was busy. We ended up spending Saturday together, just shopping, talking about stuff (non-OR), and spending alone time. On our drive, she was being goofy, said how she felt so great, how she felt so free, that om wasn't in the picture anymore. Once again, I just told her I was glad, and leaned over and kissed her. Sunday was S's b-day, we cleaned the house, and had a party for him. She commented how nice it was to have her family over again, how it didn't really happen much the whole time I was gone.
She's been great, been very loving, and very open with me. Very physically intimate, and in a closer way than it's been for a LONG while. She told me that she saw om briefly somewhere yesterday, just said hi, and didn't talk to him. She said it felt nice to see him without having any kind of feeling at all, one way or the other. (Which I think may be good, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy, right?) I've been remaining "lovingly distant". I'm still pretty gun-shy, but I can feel in her heart she's over him, or at least WANTS to be, and wants OR to work. Now it's just a matter of her staying that way. I've decided to save any talk of this, of my fears and feelings, until the C session. Taking it one day at a time, and trying to build a stronger base with our positive interactions. I'd like for her to write a final good-bye letter to him, one for both of us to share, and may bring that up in the session. I'm not sure what else I want to bring up, I have about a week to figure it out. I DO know that I don't want to go through another of her "withdrawal" periods, and I need for her to be VERY aware of it.
Open arms and open eyes. Still gonna stick with my "recipe for success".
Hope everyone else is doing good!
[This message has been edited by Jamesjohn (edited 07-31-2001).]
JJ
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