Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water…….
Things have been going GREAT for the past couple of weeks. W's been very loving, with cards, phone calls and messages, etc. I noticed a change in her mood Thursday evening. She started becoming more distant, the I love you's stopped, and she became more secretive about her whereabouts. Curiosity got the best of me, and I checked our phone bill on-line. Sure enough, she's been in contact with OM again. She even gave him an older pre-paid phone we had, haven't used for a while, with the same number. There must have been a pretty heavy message on her voice-mail, she listened to it about every hour through the night the other night. I know, a thousand lashes for snooping. She had promised to tell me whenever she talked to him, and I just needed to know if she could be honest with me. Obviously not, so far. I needed to know if my instincts were right, if I know her moods as well as I think I do.
There was a lot of tension in the air last night. She was out doing things (who knows what), so I went out, too. She was in the shower when I got home. I went to bed, she was staying up to do some house work, she couldn't sleep. (She didn't sleep much the night before, either, and took off sometime early that morning.) I got out of bed, told her I hated the tension in the air, I'd like to clear it up. In years past, I would have avoided any confrontation about it, but I need to get things out in the open now. My 180. She gave me a funny look, said she was too tired right now. I told her it was important to me, and I'd like to talk soon. She just kind of shrugged it off, and I went back to bed. Decided I didn't want to be around there, took a shower, and left. Packed up my toothbrush and stuff, told her I'd like to talk after she got some rest, kissed her goodbye, and left. I guess I ran again, but I needed to chill-out for a bit.
Haven't heard from her at all today. There's a dinner at her parent's house tonight, so I'll get home in time to take a shower and go up there. Do my best acting-as-if, not bring anything up. I'll take my own car, and probably leave a bit early to go see a movie. By myself.
I'm thinking this is a case of things going too far, too fast? I'm beginning to HATE this f*****g game. It IS getting a little easier every time, though. I'm getting kinda scared that I'm getting TOO good at detaching, too used to doing it, and the good feelings I have for her will disappear. Have to be careful of the self-fulfilling prophecies, I guess. Time for dimness. She has a session with her C on Monday, we'll see what that brings, if anything. Guess I just needed to vent a little.
[This message has been edited by Jamesjohn (edited 07-21-2001).]
JJ
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