I have been away for a few days and have not had the time to get back into the BB since being gone. I appreciated your responses.
Just so you (and others) know, I have been reading Snarch's Passionate Marriage since last posting. The book has caused me to reflect on my R and more importantly on myself in new ways.
In short, I see where my W and I are very fused and I need to figure out how to differentiate and enter the crucible. Very slippery concepts but I think that I am getting it.
In response to some of your questions, I believe that my self esteem in better now than it has ever been, but I can't see that manifested in my M, so I believe that I am confusing esteem with something else. I believe that I am a good man with much to offer to many in all aspects of my life but upon reflection see how this "offering" that I am know for could really be a yearning for acceptance. I see that in my W as well.
My W enjoys sex once going but remains somewhat inhibited even in the throes of passion. She is not adventurous nor eager to get started. She has to be aroused by me and, from what I can tell cannot get aroused on her own. Everytime I read a book that quotes the W as saying "I just can't get excited at anytime like you can", I say, "THAT"S MY WIFE!"
I have told her that I am a physical touch and words of affirmation person but she doesn't get it. My next step with regards to this it to tell her (in a Snarchy way) that I want her to refer to me as "Honey" or "Sweetheart" sometimes, but she should do it only if she wants to and not simply because it means something to me.
Quote: Do you think she was being physical because she wanted to be or because she felt she had to be?
What a good question. If I had to answer, I would say because she wanted to be. I believe that she wants the good feelings of sex, but not the "trampy" notion of being a sexual agressor. (My interpretation of her state of mind and me putting words in her mouth now.) I believe this is still her mode of thinking.
I don't think that she does know how unhappy I really am. Letting her know is my crossroad now. This is where the Snarch book is pushing me. I have to be strong enough to let her know who I really am and differentiate myself from her and her reactions.
