I am in a classic SSM. I also believe that my W suffers from mild depression (sleeps alot, doesn't enjoy much from life, laughs very little) I would also describe her as a confrontational communicator which makes discussions about our sex life extremely difficult and really non-existent. I respond in the ways described in the book and am having a difficult time finding ways to change my behavior and response to get a different behavior and response from her. I usually keep reminding myself that she is simply not interested and only initiate a few times a month so as not to cause conflict.
My W has no pet names for me and never uses terms of endearment to reference me.
W is what most would consider a Acts of Service love language. Does lots of things for others including myself. Is always the first to volunteer and be the "Team parent", for example.
When we started dating we were sexual with in about a week which for me was mind blowing. We never had intercourse until we were married but the sex we had was great! This hooked me because I never had confidence with women and didn't date much. I was always the good guy who girls came to for friendship and talk. At age 20, my W (then girlfriend) was like a goddess come to find me and, what I had waited for. As a result I never had much sexual experience prior to marriage.
Thinking back, she was sexually submissive even then, never the initiator, and not one to enthusiastically engage. But she always enjoyed sexy once going and still does.
She has traits of her father who has never told his wife that he loves her and never shows outward signs of affection. She is also Catholic but I don't know how much a role that plays. I was not raised to be religious but am now.
My MIL is very easy to talk to and very much like me. We talked a bit about my W last week and MIL divulged that she too is a LD. The inlaws, except for the FIL, seem to have sympathy for me because they see how W treats me like FIL treats MIL. It has become a running joke when we get together.
My FOO finds my Father very open about sex and rather liberated on one hand but massaganistic on the other. He exposed me to Playboy, Penthouse, etc. by age 15 and was always willing to talk about sex, eventhough I was not so willing to talk to him. My Mother and I never talke about sex yet my Mother seems to accept my Father's openness and never complains. My Father at age 81 still has adult material in his house. (Is this TMI?)
So W and I are quite opposite
We ML about once per month with me always the initiator. She shys away from physical touch and does not respond well to my verbal expressions of love and affection. She simply is not an affectionate person.
I wish that she could just smile when I walk in the room, stoke my arm and say "Hi Honey, how's it going. I missed you today." This would be as good as sex right now. But it just not her nature. I show affection in this way but she seems to cringe when I do. Talk about pulling out my heart and stepping on it!
We have S17 and D15.
I have been having more and more thoughts of Sep. and D as I question whether I can go through the rest of my life in a R with no outward signs of affection (either physical or other) from the person whom I have, up until this point dedicated my life to.
