OK, folks, I think we may have had a MAJOR breakthrough here!!!
When I got home Monday, W was on a cleaning spree. We stopped and talked , she was having one of her "gray" days, a slight bit of depression. We hugged, she told me how glad she was that I was home with her. I told her I was glad, too, and that I was so, so sorry that in the past I hadn't been there for her "gray" and her "blue" days. That back then there was so much I didn't know and that I didn't understand, and how I tended to take these kind of days a bit personally. She apologized, too, said she was wrong, also. That she could see the things she did to drive me away instead of drawing me closer.
Earlier in the day, she had asked me if I had ever talked to a lawyer, and I told her yes, I needed to find out where I stood in all her legal issues and with the house and all that. I asked her why, said we'd talk later.
As the evening progressed, she wanted to get the bedroom cleaned, get all the extra stuff out of there, make it OUR room again. I told her that was nice, I'd like that too, and just went with the flow. We worked along together, she initiated a lot of hugs and I love you's. She complained about the mattress, as she has been for a while, that it stinks. I've always thought her comments about this was a symbolism type of thing, it's the same mattress her and OM shared. We put my air mattress on the bed, and put another cover on top of that. The biggest part of this was her putting on some new sheets, sheets she had bought for US a while back, and was never ready to use yet. Seems she's ready for them now, and was very, very excited about finally putting them on.
When we got done, we sat on the bed, drank wine, and talked. She had a confession to make, seems she's done a little snooping of her own. She had gone through the call log on my phone (I hardly ever clear it), and checked out the numbers on there. As she called them, I guess one of them was either to or from a lawyer, which, for the life of me, I can't recall. Must have scared her, think she has also found my book on a do-it-yourself divorce, it was out of it's usual place. She also found the numbers for a LF friend of mine, someone I've known for many years, and who W knows I had a relationship with in the past, before W and I met. There were fairly recent incoming and missed calls from her on the log. I had her listed under a guy's name, W asked me why, I came back with the classic "I don't know"!!
She told me she wrote OM a letter, asking him to move on, it's over between them. She told me again how she's never loved anyone as much as me, and how no one could ever love her like I do. How she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. How she can't apologize enough for hurting me, she's soooo sorry. How no one ever made her feel as pretty, as beautiful, as special as I do. She keeps mentioning the story I told her the other night, too, how much that meant to her. She wanted me to ask her questions, and I did until the point to where it started getting uncomfortable.
We made love with the passion we had at the beginning of our marriage. We snuggled afterwards, and as we were falling asleep, she asked if I thought we were going to make it, and I told her I did.
The next evening, she asked me questions about my LF. Was pretty honest with her, yes, I did love her, but as a very, very good friend. We had helped each other through some tough times, had a lot of fun times together. Been seeing each other off and on for the past year. Yes, thought she loved me, too, in her own way. W reassured me that no one could love me as much as she does. Told me it hurt in the pit of her stomach when she thought about LF and I together. (GOOD!!!!) Wanted to make sure that I always talked to her about things, didn't keep things inside of me. Again, passionate love that night.
OM came by the house last night. W jumped off the couch and went and hid in the bedroom. She was scared. I answered the door, no, W's not available. Wanted me to tell her that he got the letter, please give him a call. Yeah, ok, bye. Went to get her, we talked, she's worried he's gonna be weird, stalking the house, not letting go. She wants him out of our life. He's called a few times the past few days, wanting rides, cigarettes, etc. She again reminded me that she doesn't want him around, she loves me. I told her that I understood that ending it with him was going to be more of a process than an event, that I wanted her to be able to talk to me about it. I wanted to know when they see or talk to each other. She agreed.
There's a part of me that's still a bit skeptical about the whole situation, which is probably a good thing. There's a BIG part of me that feels overwhelming joy. I am trying to look at the things I've been doing, doing more of what works, and concentrating on not reverting back to old ways. For now, it seems like I've got my W pretty fully back. Seems she's out of the tunnel, sticking her head back in occasionally, instead of being in the tunnel, sticking her head out.
I have a feeling that our relationship this time is going to be better than it was before!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
