It's amazing what just a little bit of distancing, mystery, and "acting-as-if" can do!
After just about 1 1/2 hours after W's last call, she started calling again, every 5 minutes. She left messages, wanted to know if we were still going to the movie, wondering where I was, if I was mad, and if I was, wanted me to call her (if I wanted to), apologizing again. Hoped that whatever I was doing that I was having fun. Really.
Called her back, did my best acting-as-if, was pleasant and cheerful. Told her I got her messages, was glad she was okay. She started to ask if I was ok, kinda cut her off, told her that yes, I still wanted to go to the movie, the next one was going to start in about 1 1/2 hours. She asked me where I was, simply told her I was about 45 minutes away from being home. See ya soon, bye.
When I got home, she was still in the shower, running late, we weren't gonna make it on time. Told her we could catch the next show. She asked if I still really wanted to go, said yes, and somehow got around to me saying if going to the first show was that important to me, I'd go alone and we could see it together another time. She got pissy about my "attitude", she was prepared for and wanting a fight, but I just walked away. Came back later and told her I was sorry if she thought I sounded like I had a crappy attitude, it was just late, and there was no need for her to rush, we'd catch the next show.
She calmed down, she continued getting ready, told her I was gonna take a nap. She came in to wake me up, I think she expected me to have a bad attitude, but I didn't. After I got out of the shower, she asked for a hug, and I gave it to her.
Got to the movie, I still remained distant. She ended up reaching for my hand, and keep ahold of me throughout the movie. During the romantic parts, like when they would say "the greatest thing is love", she would start rubbing my arm and moving closer. At one point, I leaned over, gave her a 10 second kiss, and turned back to watch the movie again. It turned out to be quite a love story, and we both ended up crying at the end.
The rest of the evening ended up going ok. She went to bed, started having an anxiety attack, but we worked our way through it. She wanted to hear my voice, tell her a story. So I made up a really stupid fairy tale about a princess and a dragon and how they fell in love and lived happily ever after. I made her laugh a lot. As we layed there, she told me how much she loved me, how she could never love anyone as much as she did me. How no one could ever love her as good as I do. How she's so, so sorry that she hurt me. How she feels that the whole past year of her life has just disappeared, and she can never get it back. She told me that sometimes she just gets overwhelmed and has to run, and how she knows that's not good. She apologized again. We layed there, and talked about the good times we had, how there were soooo many of them. She fell asleep peacefully, and slept throughout the night. We never talked about where she was or where I was.
She's going to court today, she's very scared, very anxious. She's got a lot on her plate, but she dished it up herself, and needs to clean it off on her own. As I told her, I'll be there to do things WITH her, but not FOR her. Found out the OM is out of jail, not sure if she was with him that night, but do know it's not something I can dwell on.
Kent & Lee - You're right about the control thing. I've really been stopping myself, looking at my immediate reactions, and seeing if it IS a control thing. Hard to let it go sometimes. I DO worry about her, she gets anxiety and panic attacks to where she goes into a fog, and "comes to" while she's driving or in the middle of a store. Maybe excuses, but something to take into consideration? I know, it's a problem SHE has to work through, and is taking steps to do this with her C. As I said, the distancing DOES work, and I try to do it in little doses. When I did it in a big dose is when she found OM. She's pretty needy, but probably a lot less than I think she really is. Yes, something else I need to work on!
I don't know if she'll give up this friend. I DO know if I try to force it, she won't. She's had friends in the past I didn't particularly care for, the were "soul-suckers", but when I voiced my opinions about them, it drove her closer to them. Most of these people are out of her life now, she had to come to these realizations on her own.
We watched "28 Days" the other night, a story about an alcoholic in rehab. W was very distraught after the movie, a lot of it hit a little too close to home for her. She's worried about her self-medication, addictive tendencies are there. This is another thing for me to detach from.
What were YOUR realizations?
Lee - I LOVE your .02$ worth. Please keep it coming!!
JJ
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