Hey, gang! Things are going pretty well. W's been staying back in "my" room. Started out sleeping on top of the covers with her own blanket, but last night made it all the way under the sheets with me!
I've been changing some of my patterns lately. Sometimes I'll make the coffee before I leave in the a.m., and leave some kind of "happy thought" type note for her. I didn't do that the last few days of last week, and noticed her curiousity taking hold, and her drawing closer.
Had a good weekend, spent a lot of time together. Did some shopping, did some video-watching, spent time doing stuff in the yard. She's been commenting on how nice it is when we work together, such as the yard stuff, cooking, shopping, or whatever. OK, so this is some of what works, so I'll keep doing it!
There have been a few times when things could have gotten ugly like they would have in the past, but it didn't get far. Seems we've BOTH been changing our immediate reactions to things, and stop the usual patterns before they get too far. Let me tell you, I'm sure the non-OR quality times we're having is making this a lot easier.
She's still a bit uncomfortable about emotional and physical intimacy, but I can see that fading a little at a time. She wants to explain this fear to me, but she can't put it into words, can't really explain it to herself. I'm not pushing, this will come in time. Hopefully, her counseling will help her/us through this.
We went to the store the other day, she stayed in my car, noticed my DB book in the back seat. She turned it over, saw the title, and flipped it back upside down right away. I didn't say anything, but I noticed when I got back in the car, it was moved, with the title facing up. Wonder how much of it she read? Her mood changed slightly for a while after this, but became very good again shortly.
I used to think she hated how much time I spent "studying" things, but she has told me she admires how much I try to learn about things. She has once admitted that part of her feels guilty about how much effort I've put into things compared to her. I'm trying to back-off occassionally, and let her do what she can. That see-saw effect thing.
Progress, not perfection.
JJ
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