From what I remember of your sitch several months ago, you were hanging out with a man who directly told you he was interested in you. You H was sending off very clear signals (at least to me) that he did not like that and he was jealous. You justified your relationship then by saying the same thing you say now, that you see no reason why men and women cannot be friends. That may be true theoretically, but in real life it is absurd. I tried to impress on you the problems that would occur but you did not seem to want to hear my point of view. I suspect your H felt exactly the same frustration with you.
So he decided to communicate with you in a way that you might understand a little better. The subtle approach did not work so he has whacked you with a 2x4. I see this as no one’s fault but your own. As long as you keep you blinders on and refuse to acknowledge your own faults, he will keep upping the ante. At some point he will stop the game and simply leave. That is the pattern we see repeated over and over again. There is nothing different in your marriage.
Now you are all in a tizzy because he has turned the table on you, doing to you what you have done to him. I know, there was nothing sexual to your friendship, but your H does not really know this or trust what you say, just as you do not know if there is anything going on with him. As I recall, he played the alpha male quite well, not showing jealousy, staying above your games, giving you enough rope to hang yourself. The alpha male will only tolerate so much, then WHAM, he drops the hammer.
The fact of the matter is that you have a strong ego, somewhat akin to Heather. You do not want to be told what to do, you do not want to be beholding to your H, you want to rule the roost. This alpha female behavior does not sit well with alpha males.
You need to reevaluate your priorities in life. Do you want to call all the shots and control the household? If so you better go find a meek timid man you can control and who will obey your every command. If you want to keep your H then you better learn to hear what he is saying, to read between the lines, and stop focusing on only your needs.
Your current problems come from a lack of respect for your H. It has nothing to do with an affair or interest in other women. He respected you, you did not respect him. So now the consequence. The question is, what are you willing to do to turn this around?
