Quote: Thus, if you do a 180 and work on getting the SL back up to a roar, that should address his most obvious problem area. Yea, yea, I know…that is a complicated and difficult topic. Still, think about it.
That is the hard part. I just don't feel sexual towards him at all. I don't have in my heart to initiate or act in a sexual way. I act in a caring way. So I am not mean. This lowered sex drive is a real 180 for me. I was HD for like 9 years I would say and he was LD. I went through so many stages during this time like:
Stage 1...confused. Why didn't he want me anymore. Stage 2...Hurt and sad. I love him so much and want us to express our love through love making. Maybe if I just love him more or do nicer things. Stage 3....Confidence level and ego shot down. He made a reference about my weight. So my self esteem was shot. During this stage I actually felt depressed and hopeless. Stage 4...Accept that maybe weight issues can affect a person so begin working on that. Go from a size 10-12 to a size 4. Confidence level goes up. Stage 5...so angry. Weight off and the only reason he would give. Worked so hard to get there only for it to not matter. Begin many talks where a lot of it ended up in anger and put downs like what is wrong with you. You are not a normal man. Stage 6...Realize anger is not getting anywhere. So try to handle this as gently as possible. Walk around on egg shells around him. Just try to be everything he needs. I improve myself and begin working. Start doing outside activities. I make new friends. My confidence level at an all time high. I work out to try and improve. I work on a lot of my behavior problems in the way I interact with him. I make a vow to make this marriage work. I see him in anger all the time. Unhappy about everything. Always comparing what other people have. Unhappy with himself and his appearance. Talks bad about me to other people. Stage 7...I still love him. In my heart I want the marraige to work. But I don't feel sexual towards him at all or romantic in any way. I don't feel like hugging or kissing him. I don't feel like I can count on him. He lashes out in anger at me more and more but yet I am a changed person. A better person towards him. At this stage I just feel like maybe this is all there is. It is the last stage and where it will remain. I feel like I have tried everything to try and fix this SSM to no avail. Funny thing is that in between the anger of his he has initiated sex. There has been happier times. I haven't denied him sex. In anger before he told me that he doesn't feel anything when we have sex sex. That he only has sex with me to just get a nut as he put it. That was about 5 months ago when he said this. This statement really hurt me to the core. But yet lately he has initiated quite a bit over the past 5 months. Well, quite a bit compared to his norm of nothing. And he always always tells me he loves me after we have made love. In fact he always hugs me and kisses me on the mouth and says I love you. It's not me saying it first so he feels obligated to say it back.
Maybe it bothers him that I am not sexual towards him. Maybe he is confused by the 180.
I just don't feel sexual towards him at all. I don't have in my heart to initiate or act in a sexual way. I act in a caring way. So I am not mean. This lowered sex drive is a real 180 for me. I was HD for like 9 years I would say and he was LD. I went through so many stages during this time like:
In anger before he told me that he doesn't feel anything when we have sex sex. That he only has sex with me to just get a nut as he put it. That was about 5 months ago when he said this. This statement really hurt me to the core. 