Feeling good today - It is our 10th anniversary - and it is going to be a celebration!! There were many times I did not think we would make it!
Kent -
"The last few days I've been back passing through my own crucible. Old relationships, past indescretions, previous judgements seem to flood me from time to time. Gotta take time to think about them, forgive myself for my stupidity and move on."
I hope you are finding that peace of mind you were talking about the other day - You do a lot here that has helped others (including me) find some of their own peace of mind. I know what you mean about thinking about the things you have done, and moving on - that is tough sometimes.
Maybe this will help you see yourself the way others see you....
I have been thinking quite a bit about what I want to say to you - and it never seems to be enough.. I know I have already thanked you - but your intelligent responses and insights thoughout my time on this board have helped me make connections to patterns in my own behavior that I was stubborn about changing.
When it came to the OW - I would think to myself - "How can I ignore her - it is sos disrespectful for him to have contact with her'...... and I would be angry, resentful, and confrontational when I would find out about contact - thereby ensuring further contact!
When it came to his "stonewalling" in arguments - I would pursue and then be even more angry when he would blow up at me- I WAS THE ONE ESCALATING the situation.
You have helped me to CONCRETELY realize that I do not have to react to the things he/or anyone else says or does - I always thought I was detaching - now I can feel the detaching as it is happening and it doesn't hurt or feel like a "wall" going up - in fact I have become more loving in those situations where before I would be righteously indignant - (encouraging him to go out of town by himself - OW was there, etc.) I have even been able to apply these things in situations at work.
I know that "letting go" for me means letting go of MY crap!! You have helped me realize that obsessing and dwelling on insignificant things will never help fix them and that it is MY problem , which keeps me from the happiness I seek in my relationship. I say you have helped me because you drew parallels to your own situation that showed me the destructiveness of what I was doing. I had read the DB book several times, and could apply the principles in a general way - but until you encouraged me to look at things differently , I felt stuck.
You have consistenly replied to my posts with patience and humor, and I appreciate that!!
I just wanted you to know that I thank you for helping me get where I am today - you are part of the reason I am celebrating today instead of divorcing. If I can ever do anything to help YOU - I will be here!! Thank you - Kent, you are a prize!! I consider myself lucky to have made your acquaintence!
