A little update on the graduation situation - It turned into an opportunity to do a 180 - a major 180 that my H already has commented on!!!
Tonight we were supposed to go to Nashville for H's graduation celebration(s). Earlier in the week I had thought that I might suggest he go by himself, but after the latest call from his ex EA , I thought I might go show her we were together.
I knew after our discussions that H was probably dreading my going with him - he would have to worry about my reactions if she were around, whether I was having a good time, etc. He also before we separated mentioned how he wanted to be able to just take off and do something he wanted on his own sometimes. This seemed like one of those times - just from the events over the last few days... Like an opportunity to be with his college friends one last time, that kind of thing. SO... I had the opportunity when he left me a note today - to tell him to go and enjoy his trip, and his friends!!!
He expected that I would get upset and want to go, be mad that he really wanted to go by himself, etc, etc. I did the biggest 180 I could think of. I told him I had thought it would be more fun for him and that I had almost suggested it earlier in the week, and said - have a great time!! I will miss seeing the people I got to know down there - be sure to tell them HELLO for me!!
I know you will probably run into OW, but I trust you!! I don't trust her - but I trust you to do implicitly - I reminded him what he told me about the fact that the further he gets away from that period in his life and that friendship, the less important it becomes. I told him I believe that to be true and that this weekend is an opportunity for both of us to put it to rest. That I need to let her existence in our lives be over.
He told me that he was not interested in her - even as a friend anymore- I said I know that if he sees her he will be nice and that he should be. He said - there will be other people there and NO opportunity for anything to happen , that HE is in control and I don't even have to worry about that fact that I don't trust her - The old H would have said nothing to me about any of these things - I see this as progress!
I DO trust him - I have read all the correspondence they have had over the last 9 months (email about 1 Xper month). ALL of his has been innocent, just friendly, short and I have access to them with his knowledge. I blew up when she sent him one that suggested he get a phone card so they could talk - HE NEVER SAW THAT ONE - I got rid of it, but told him about it- told him that SHE is the problem and he needed to deal with it!!! I have come to realize that my obsession with her was the problem - THANK YOU KENT!!!!
My actions today were based on this realization - I have given her too much power and let her rent space in my head for too long - SHE IS INSIGNIFICANT!!!
I feel very positive about my actions today- H was very surprised. He actually could not believe that I was so calm encouraging, and unconcerned about him going by himself!! I really think I made headway today!!
Tonight I have my school talent show that I am in charge of and after that my recently divorced friend and I are going out on the town - I did not tell H that is what I am going to do - and I won't be here when he calls!! I am using this as an opportunity to detach with love and do something fun for myself - while letting my H see that I can change and let him have some freedom he felt he did not have!!
I think this will feel even better that strutting around with him in front of OW. I will not have to worry about how I look to her, what she thinks of me, or any of that BS! I will be out having my own fun and the good feelings that my actions will generate in my H from this will last a lot longer than my "strutting feelings" ever would have.
Today is the first day I feel like I have the hang of this DB thing - not as an act but as a lifestyle change!! I know it is just the beginning!!
