I know you are right. I still struggle tho...and I know this is because I was niave enough to believe in the sanctity and fidelity of my marriage before this whole fiasco happened. And because I thought we had it so good, it is such a letdown, and because I cannot figure it all out-it pisses me off.
I told my H 'I know you would never cheat on me-because you love me and believe in us'. I blame myself for that unrealistic view of OR. Perhaps it made him feel that there was NO way he could live up to that...dunno.
I know I need to let go of it all....the resentment over what he has done, the anger, the hurt and betrayal, AND moreover, my intense need to know why. I realize I may never know why.
But, really Kent-don't take obsessing away from me???!!! PPPLLLLEEEAAASSEEEEEEE? I am a woman, I whine....besides, you say it like it's a bad thing....
Ok...here's the deal-I'll only do it a little bit! And certainly only here (or inside my own head). (sorry just feeling a bit playful today)
In the 7 months since I found out the whole truth I have come a long way... I feel better about myself and everyday I wake up next to H I know for that fact alone, it will be a great day. Sappy as it sounds, I still truely believe that what we have together is worth it. This is the man I want to share my life and grow old with.
I told him something this past weekend that was pretty hard for me...since the bomb dropped I had always harped on 'I meant my vows-you obviously did not-you were not faithful'...but....I lost sight of the entire message of my vows because I also said, 'for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad times'.
Guess it's time to mean that too, huh and get on back to the marriage I thought I had-only this time I'm taking off those darn blinders....or is it rose colored glasses?!
L p.s. I didn't say the 'obey' thing tho, I told the minister I would only say it if H did too. For some reason the minister did not see the humor in this, or maybe it was just because H and I were giggling....??
