i actually received a package from this ministry the day after i told my W that i was through. this was after she told me about PA#2. the package had a tape in it that was titled "why stand?". i knew that i needed to physically detach, but emotionally and spiritually, i continued to stand. about a week later, she asked if we could work things out. we tried, she quit after 2 days. i still continue to stand even though the outcome looks worse than it did before. after she told me that she didn't want to work things out again, i gave her the tape and hoped that she understood it. she listened to it, but said that she really didn't follow it and that it was too slow. i understood it loud and clear. in the beginning, i created a loose-leaf binder with all my references in it. i put the standers affirmation on the outside in the front. she has seen it, but not really said anything about it. she wants me to let go, but God keeps telling me to stand. i believe that is the only reason that i found that site. nobody referred me to it, i just happened upon it. i felt that God let this happen so that i could reach out to others and be empathetic with their situations. i have also added myself to their pray24 list. they are radical about standing for the marriages around the world.
i don't think that your husband would actually take it personally. if he is a Christian, then he should take it personally. my W says that she is a Christian, but will not follow what the Lord is telling her. she is looking for her own happiness. i pray that she finds it, but i also pray that she turns to the Lord for complete healing.
Me2- Never showed W anything like the affirmation but at times told her I was committed to walking with the Lord, and growing in my faith through our ordeal. I also told her I felt certain God had brought us together but He would not MAKE her stay with me. She did not want to work on the marriage for the longest time (things are very much better now) she was keeping the Lord at a distance. Giving her something like this would be like "forcing" religion on someone who has no interest in it, wouldn't do much good IMHO.
I personally found the Dobson article more helpful to me because it released me, and gave her some breathing room. As a preface to the article, I did tell her I would not stop her if she filed for divorce (of course, if she did file which she never did, I wasn't about to expedite things).
Trent- felt the same way you do about God letting me go through this to be able to minister to others. One other thought, I think Chrisitian W's resent their H's if they feel the H is being self righteous. They blame us anyway for the way they feel (this is true when the genders are reversed as well). "Standing" for the marriage, I think, only irritates them more if it comes accross like, "I am standing, even though you betrayed me, I am standing etc." Certainly it is not the betrayed spouses intention to inflame the situation more, I just think it can come accross that way to the betraying spouse because they already feel guilty and distant from God. I pray He minister to you like never before. I remain, Committed2Him.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
My fear of sharing Standers with my H is like you say-I don't want to inflame the situation, or make him feel more guilty. We are both Christians, and I know it would make him feel really bad...not that he doesn't anyway.
I just want him to know how committed I am, but then again, simply by being here (and not throwing his sorry butt out!) should be proof enough-for now.
We still say "I love you" daily...course, we did that too while he was taking on with OW so....I do not question his love for me, I question his love for himself (which in turn also affects his ability to love me).
God has put this on my heart for whoever may read it today.
Matthew 6:5-6 When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites! They love to stand up and pray in the houses of worship and on the street corners, so that everyone will see them. I assure you, they have already been paid in full. But when you pray, go to your room, close the door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what you do in private, will reward you.
i don't believe that showing your H the affirmation is actually necessary. ask the Lord to impress it upon his heart of the changes that you are making. our WAS's already know how we feel and how committed that we are to them. that is what makes them feel as though we are needy. let the Lord finish the work that He has started.
Hi again Me2, just finished writing on 17b's thread. I agree with Trent. When you ferverntly pray for someone, usually the Lord uses circumstances and other people to reach the one you are praying for.
"STAND" and let God send other laborers to plant, water and cultivate the seeds, etc. C2H
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
i'm sorry, i forgot to respond to what you were saying earlier. yes, i do see that they believe we are trying to be self-righteous. at 1st i just kept telling my W that was the way that i wanted to start living. she keeps telling me that she is not where i am at with the Lord. which is completely understandable. we do daily devotions together (which started after the bomb), but sometimes i feel she is just doing it to do it. i really don't know if she takes them to heart. D is just 6 months away, but i am continuing to trust in the Lord.
here is something else for everyone about letting go and letting God. i really had trouble with this:
Let Go and Let God As children bring their broken toys, with tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God, because He is my friend. But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own. At last, I snatched them back again and cried, "How can you be so slow?" "My child," He said, "What could I do? You never did let go." "Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you shall find"
i'm sorry, i forgot to respond to what you were saying earlier. yes, i do see that they believe we are trying to be self-righteous. at 1st i just kept telling my W that was the way that i wanted to start living. she keeps telling me that she is not where i am at with the Lord. which is completely understandable. we do daily devotions together (which started after the bomb), but sometimes i feel she is just doing it to do it. i really don't know if she takes them to heart. D is just 6 months away, but i am continuing to trust in the Lord.
here is something else for everyone about letting go and letting God. i really had trouble with this:
Let Go and Let God As children bring their broken toys, with tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God, because He is my friend. But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own. At last, I snatched them back again and cried, "How can you be so slow?" "My child," He said, "What could I do? You never did let go." "Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you shall find"
Trent- the Word never comes back void so if she's listening while you do the devotion, you may be sowing seeds.
Trent, what books have you read by Christian authors? Have you read After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Michael Spring? I am told the Abrams book shares a perspective from the "betrayer's" perspective which may provide more insight as to "where her head is at" which may provide you with some help. I will keep you in prayer. C2H
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Thanks...the last part of your quote reminded me of Matthew...I have always held this particular verse with me and has been a source of great strength for me:
"Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."
it also reminds me of the beginning of this chapter...and I have to keep reminding myself that I am not here to judge my H (or anyone else for that matter)..
