I meant to reply to your post and never got back to it. Sorry.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It does help me to understand some of what my W may be going through.
Also, thanks for seconding the motion that I learn to accept the love my W gives me in HER LL. Funny thing is that she doesn't really even do that. She cleans the house and cooks a lot but neither of those things are expressions of EITHER of our LL. Neither of us is "acts of service". I suspect that she may have that as a secondary but really, she prefers to do things on her own and usually HATES other people to do them for her. I'm sure that could be a defense mechanism on her part but for now, I will have to wait and see.
I do see your point though. I am looking to have her adopt MY LL to express love to me and totally discounting MY accepting love from her, even if it's in a language I don't particularly value. I DO need to learn to do that.
