Quote: Funny, not much more than an hour after posting that response, I got crystal clear evidence that I am full of $hit.
This completely made me laugh out loud, which is high praise coming from someone with lymph glands so swollen they look like golf balls in my neck. My fever has broken and I have awakened from my coma to read your travails. I just love ya'll. You are real, and kind, and encouraging to each other. Remember that our S's don't have this resource, or any real help so they are pretty behind the 8-ball compared to us. Even though I've been too sick to post on my thread, I am heartened to read all of yours. Thus ends the touchy-feely portion of our segment. Carry on.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Yes, I know my S does not have anything like this place and thats manily by choice. She HATES the idea of a support group or therapy in general so this kind of site is not even on her radar. Too bad. I really think she would benefit greatly from the kind of wonderful folks I interact with on a daily basis here.
You might want to try not to be so sure what your W is dead set against.... It makes it very hard for her to be someone different -- someone open to counseling or support groups.
And, you might not be as right as you think you are about her position on this stuff. You have, after all, been wrong about other things you felt certain about.
Beginner's mind...
Most people are very against counseling as a defensive reaction. There is something they are unwilling to deal with. But, that can change when something changes and they grow a bit. You don't want your rigid mental image of W to subtly block her progress.
Point taken, and as much as I want to be wrong, as recently as an hour ago she made comments about how she couldn't believe I would actually want to post to this site and how silly she thought it was. Of course, I think that's just her way of expressing her being uncomfortable but still, it's a negative view and a continuation of her negative view she's had all along.
I WILL drop my idea that I KNOW how she feels since she may not really know how she feels herself.
Defensive... I bet she feels guilty that you give so much to the R and really try while she was the one who ran away and had the A. And, uncomfortable because she doesn't like to think about really facing herself like she would have to do here or with a C.
I guess I decided that I wanted drama instead of progress.
Grasshopper - I know exactly how that feels... Sometimes you know that you shouldn't go down that drama road..but you just feel such strong urge. Man.. I do know how that feels. Hang Tough.. I guessed I would have more of such episodes when contact with H increases when we move over to Country X ...
Thanks Yo. I have to fight that a lot but I usually win because in the end, I want progress much more often than drama.
I am just getting SO impatient with all this. There SEEMS to be NO reason why we are stalled but yet we are. Things are just peachy but basically the same as two weeks ago, which is to say no more progress on the physical side of things. This is another weekend upon us, and for my FORMER marriage, that would mean ML. I HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS beyond thinking that IF there was going to be anything on that front, it would likely be on the weekend. I am not thinking it will or won't happen but damn, I sure WISH it would.
Gotta keep reading my book and maybe I will learn a thing or two...
Quote: as recently as an hour ago she made comments about how she couldn't believe I would actually want to post to this site and how silly she thought it was.
Again, another area where your W and mine are similar. My W is definitely opposed to any counseling at all....despite recognizing that she does have issues, she is just dead set against anything of the sort at this point. Funny too, she mentioned all my books and this website, telling me that I spend too much time doing both. I guess for her, self-exploration is out of the picture for the time being. Although I should have a beginners mind on this, I just know from history that she doesn't see personal growth or exploration of issues as a viable option.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
Quote: Although I should have a beginners mind on this, I just know from history that she doesn't see personal growth or exploration of issues as a viable option.
Well, actually, to give my W some credit, she has probably done more "personal growth" than I have on her own. It's just the getting help part that she balks on.
OT suggested that I may not really know what W thinks about this and I am willing to admit this but like I said, out of defensivness or whatever, she persists on saying it so I will accept that and move on.
I meant to reply to your post and never got back to it. Sorry.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It does help me to understand some of what my W may be going through.
Also, thanks for seconding the motion that I learn to accept the love my W gives me in HER LL. Funny thing is that she doesn't really even do that. She cleans the house and cooks a lot but neither of those things are expressions of EITHER of our LL. Neither of us is "acts of service". I suspect that she may have that as a secondary but really, she prefers to do things on her own and usually HATES other people to do them for her. I'm sure that could be a defense mechanism on her part but for now, I will have to wait and see.
I do see your point though. I am looking to have her adopt MY LL to express love to me and totally discounting MY accepting love from her, even if it's in a language I don't particularly value. I DO need to learn to do that.
