This sounds like a good thing to talk to C about. You need to figure out your own boundary here and enforce it. I expect its not particularly good for her to let her panic control your lives.
Well, it's surely something to talk to C about, and I will if we get to it. We have a LOT of ground to cover today. I have not seen her in over a month, before the "big" R talk. I know we cannot let panic control our lives, it's just that her "panic" had not surfaced really until our troubles began sometime around a year ago. She thinks once this is all over, both the intense relationship trauma and the DUI stuff, that it will receed back into the background. I tend to agree based on her history but for now, it is an issue.
Quote: BTW, I wonder if it might help to give her more of what she gets from you at those times at other times. Maybe more nurturing in general, brushing her hair, doing little things that make her feel secure, etc., would help.
OT, that's the confounding thing about her. I LOVE to do those things for her but she doesn't seem to want that...at least from me. I IS getting better in terms of her acceptance of my physical proximity/doing things for her like that but it's still FAR from good.
UPDATE: I called W, ostensibly to tell her that I would try to leave a little early (compromise) and ask her if that would help. Before I got to that, she said she was feeling better and was about to get lunch, BTW, at the same shopping center where she used to meet OM, which is not really a big deal since she is there every day for some reason anyway. It's just my overactive imagination thinking she went to HIM for support since I didn't give it to her (see, I at least THINK like a person controlled by her fragility).
Anyway, I talked to her about our decision to plea her case and she seemed to be feeling ok about it (that was the source of her stress). She said what was weighing on her as much as anything was that she would have to go down there and I would have to take more time off. I assured her that I was ok to do that and not to worry. She sounded relieved.
In the end, she said she would be fine and was going to call the lawyer to make arrangments and would call me back.
I guess this time it worked out, but I still need to figure out where I stand in general. Eitehr I accept that she will need me every onece in awhile until this is over, or I erect a "boundary" and somehow affect how I approach it. I will think on it/talk to C about it and come up with what I think is best.
