First, forgive yourself. Seems as you already have. What is done is done. You were under a tremendous amount of stress, and, yes, could have acted better. BUT, as you yourself mentioned, you DID act much better than you would have 1 year ago, so that's what's important. Seems like you did make a move to express yourself at times, that's good.
Don't get into the habit of walking on eggshells with yourself or your W. By that I mean, during this tenuous stage for LBS's, we tread carefully, afraid that any wrong move will bring about the big D. We orchestrate every move and word. Then, as we move into a stage of working on ourselves, we tread carefully with ourselves....any wrong move is proof to us that we're slipping, not really changing, not really trying.
Neither view is accurate. It's more like that you are trying, you are changing, and you ARE dealing with a VERY stressful personal situation (the A) all while acting like life is dandy. Keeping a job, being a friend and most importantly, being a dad. Sometimes you are human and let it get to you, it slips out. That's OK. The important thing is to handle it differently.
You've been doing wonderfully. You have been super-human kind to W about the A and her 'confused' stage. I think she can have a little empathy to understand how what she did would make anyone feel as if they were losing it. I'm sure she doesn't enjoy the detective in you, just like you sure don't enjoy having to BE the detective in your own M.
Empathy, patience and compassion. These things need to come from BOTH of you.
